Friday, July 24, 2015

Ate some tangerines this morning before my run. I got in my own head, today. It wasn't good. I did 12 of my 16 miles-- & they were pretty rough. At 81* I was toast. I don't know how my fellow runners run in this heat! Bleh! After it cools, I figured I'd try to get my last 4, this evening with Lucy: good for her/good for me. I literally broke down & cried, today. I felt like a wimp & barked at Jim. He was talking about shirt designs & designing & making my own water/hydration vest. I just STOPPED. "I can NOT talk about this right now. It is taking everything I have to be out, here... I don't know what's wrong with me..." then I proceeded to cry & heave along the trail. It was lovely... & I felt like a jerk... I apologized repeatedly... but it was everything to be moving- not holding a conversation, about what else I need to be doing, too. :( I FEEL physically sick & drained. I woke this way. I don't suspect it was the heat as much as it was myself. This is where my insecurities stem from-- a bomb run following any ego building runs, prior. IF, IF, IF I could get my nutrition nailed down... life would be better...

If, if, if I could control my mind-- well-- that would perfect. Wouldn't it?

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