Some may know that my husband almost died a few times this past year. He has survived but is extremely frail. He is making a SLOW comeback.

Yesterday morning I prepared for a club run, locally. I got my former power lifter-running partner-husband some breakfast & made sure he was comfortable before I left. (I'm just starting to do stuff out of the house, again.) The club run was a race, but I was using it for a training run. I was anxious. I usually run solo & running in front of other people or WITH other people is not usually my routine. I wore INKnBURN Ryu gear (dragons) because how can you NOT be confident with tough dragons down your leg & on your shirt?

I am a solid midpacker at long distances. I came home & told my husband what I did "well" (for me) & what I still could "tweak" in my training. He laid in bed quietly & eventually said: "I look forward to being out there, running, again. Especially on a day like today, I want to be out there." My heart hurt. I realized all the "small" things I worry about & get anxious about in connection to being ACTIVE & HEALTHY are "nothing." I realized what a privelege we have even during a less than perfect run or physical activity. (I felt slightly guilty for being healthy!) I was reminded to be grateful for my health even when we are less than optimal.

I know this is sappy & don't mean for it to be "moody" but I am grateful to be active & having a hubby on the mend. Today he sent me looking for bakery fresh donuts. :) I welcome his returning appetite even though it makes me "stop" what I'm doing to get him something specific.

Be AWESOME, Friends. Be kind. Be grateful. Be merciful... to yourselves & your loved ones. Be inspired by others & inspire...

I've been told about INKnBURN, repeatedly, "They're 'just' clothes." Too me, they are a form of expression that I wasn't allowed to have, when younger. I was supposed to be a good Christian, wife, mother, neighbor, daughter... All fine & good... but at some point, self-sacrifice gets tiring if nothing is going back "into" the person.

INKnBURN is an edgy brand that I find self-expression in. Their new release Phoenix is described as follows: "The Phoenix Rises Again! -Our newest tech shirt design was inspired by the mythological bird that recycles its own life. When it perceives its impending death, the phoenix ignites itself into a magnificent fire. In time, it reemerges from its own ashes - reborn, renewed, and very much alive. There is so much symbolism tied to this sun loving bird; victory over death, passion, longevity, and creativity... all topics we love to explore with our own style of fire, color and passion."

I cannot tell you how much I relate to this design & symbolism... personally & with all the strife that has happened to our family, this year. -Most definitely, I ordered one! When you see me wearing this, please note, without words, I'm saying: We are rising from the ashes... (Plus it's just a really cool design... & orange.)  

What did your momma warn you about when you were growing up? Stranger Danger? 

Never, in a million years, did I think I would be communicating with complete strangers & becoming FRIENDS with them on social media before I even met them in person! And yet, here I find myself, sharing intimate feelings about how trail running has changed my life, my psyche, my traditions... I share photos & recently was asked a request. A fellow INKnBURN ambassador asked  for photos of trail fails- falls, cuts or crashes. SURE! We shared & I saw a beautiful article transpire-- encouraging trail running.   

Trail runners are a different breed- primal in a sedentary world. The article was a  basic "how to" start.
How to Transition from Road Running to Trail Running

How can there be someone with the EXACT story, feelings, desire to "preach the gospel" of trail running as me?! I have to chalk it up to the infection of the trails. Once you're hooked... you're hooked! There is a desire for adventure, a desire to see & be one with nature, a desire to explore. Trail running appeals to my inner Pocahontas-- my inner tree huggin' hippie-- my desire to but down responsibility for awhile. 

While I love my kids & family, there is a connection to other trail runners. Those that break from the tradition of road racing are a different breed. We are in it for the exercise, the mental break, the VIEWS! There is a raw feeling of nature when you're in the woods- seeing shadows, bugs, mud & fauna. It's a reminder of the bigger scheme & how you fit into the puzzle. I look forward to being on the trails every chance I get. I look forward to strength & telling a good story when I get home. For now, I run local trails, but I look forward to expanding my "backyard" as our kids get older.

Until then, this Pocahontas will paint with all the colors of the wind, locally. 

Part of the "feel good" about registering for a race is knowing that there is a TANGIBLE good result from it. I "know" as a runner that some of my registration helps others. Who & "how"...?

Each calendar year the Toledo Roadrunners Club grants Toledo area non-profits the opportunity to partner with their signature event, the Mercy Health Glass City Marathon and Owens Corning Half Marathon.

List of Nonprofit Partner Charities

There are a few ways for runners to donate to the official non-profits:
1) make a direct donation during or after registration.
2) become a fundraiser -- anyone can become a fundraiser and raise money for a charity.
3) run for a charity -- purchase a bib THROUGH YOUR CHARITY for the event, to represent the charity and fundraise for them.

The listed charities all promote physical fitness and health through education or other tangible means.

Benefit yourself and benefit others. Sign up and Run Toledo: REGISTRATION

I sit dressed for a run that hasn't happened, yet. I've scheduled bills getting paid, set up the budget, started payroll & sales taxes, workmen's comp & 4-H National Invitational rooming arrangements. I've emailed, posted on FB & reviewed upcoming races. I ran the dishwasher, washed extra dishes, cleaned my bathroom & emptied the dryer. I've pulled items from the freezer & planned dinner. I took kids to school after making their breakfast & packing their lunches. I've feed the dog, watered the cats & made breakfast & lunch for my sick hubby. I still have a lot more to do on my never-ending list. I stop for school pick ups & still contemplate getting in my run, with no guilty conscience, today.

I ordered running gear & felt guilty as I saw the cost... but running keeps me sane & healthy to take care of my family & most of the house... before I physically leave the house & go to work.

Running is selfish? Maybe... but I tell myself it's an investment in the family, too.

Update on Jim: He was still feeling crappy despite cutting his insulin back to only 4 units of long lasting insulin, daily. He decided he wasn't going to take it & see how he felt. I agreed only under close monitoring. He has gone 4 days without long lasting insulin-- & his numbers have held steady. He did have one high reading where he needed two small units of fast acting (short lasting) Humalog (insulin injection). No insulin has caused his appetite to want FOOD- not just Ensure replacement drinks.  It causes more work for me as his mind is racing with recipes & (quite frankly) I am not chef-material. As his strength returns, I suspect he will be in the kitchen, soon. He is still talking about opening a restaurant, someday. Until then, I am a short order cook & waitress as his appetite is waking up.

Jim is still extremely emaciated but I suspect his weight & strength will finally be returning. His communication & response times are quickening. He still tires quickly & is very emotional about people seeing him- but I am hopeful this will change, soon.

It's been a rough 5 months for all of us. I reviewed Jim's hospital notes & records, recently. St. Luke's doctors were not expecting him to survive. Call me naive, but I couldn't believe it. They had control of his breathing & other vital functions, monitoring "everything"-- I just didn't consider it viable that he could die. He didn't and now we have a second chance.

Our family life is more peaceful. Communication is frank. Despite "discomfort" this experience has changed our family for the better. It has matured our teen daughters and heightened our communication. No pretenses- tell it like it is, how you feel, when you can... be patient & empathetic...

The storm is almost over.

 

Rough- feeling emotional these past few days. I wasn't feeling like I could run, today, but I didn't want to blow up on Jim at home, either. He hasn't been eating. As I went from one obligation to work, then another job & another job- I didn't want to receive a text with a request to stop at the grocery store and a request for what people wanted for dinner. I don't want to come home to make food as soon as I walk in the door- but how do you say no to someone that's been starving... even if you are sure they won't eat it. I felt bad for even feeling that "if you're sick, then you probably can't eat fettuccini. If you're feeling hungry, then you are probably well enough to make yourself something to eat" - especially while I'm out busting my butt, working, with no time for myself to eat lunch.

I took it out on the trails, today, & rolled my ankle on a tree root. It rolled forward, ankle touched the dirt & I felt & heard a "crack". I yelped then stopped to cry... then I just started bawling. I've been wanting to cry the past four days. I leaned against a tree & just sobbed. I felt sorry for myself. I felt angry. I cursed at Jim for everything we've been through. I felt bad that I thought this. I just sobbed. I tried to run & couldn't. I just couldn't stop crying. I tried walking & could feel a strain at my two toes-- great. Thoughts of Jim & my mom telling me that I "couldn't" made me mad. Thoughts of people telling me how good of a person Jim is-- & remembering everything the girls & I have gone through- made me mad. I cried more. Then I thought of Jim's frail frame & the fact that he still needs a lot of help & I was frustrated. Who do I tell?! Who do I confide in? No one- I internalize... & while this has usually worked in the past, I feel an overwhelming breaking point. I stopped crying & felt nothing but physically cold in the wind.
As I made it back to the parking lot, I sat.
My face is warm in the sun & my feet are cold in my shoes. I contemplate what the day will bring, emotionally & physically. I failed at 13 miles, today. My spirit is broken. I need a shower & probably more sleep...
I don't think I can cry, anymore. I want to... I can't. I need to get home. I keep sitting. I think of the endless amount of work at home & that I will most likely be the only one capable of doing it. I think of Jim's old high school friend coming to visit, today, & the fact that my office area (in plain sight) is a complete disaster area. I contemplate what life will be like when Jim regains strength. Will old habits or new habits become "life"? Am I breaking, emotionally, temporarily, or is this the emotional pre-menopausal roller coaster I've heard about? I feel like a hot mess, right now... BUT... I've run & cried enough that I can make it through today- come hell or high water. At this point, I hope it's hell because I've got the attitude to deal with it, easily.

 

Race weekend!

Are you coming in from out of town? Do you need a place to stay? Where can you eat? What is there to do in Toledo?  What can you take the kids to do?

Fret not! Here are some local activities scheduled for race weekend.

Places to stay: PARTNER HOTELS
What to do: LOCAL ATTRACTIONS, DINING, ENTERTAINMENT

Saturday's Expo: EXPO
More Saturday fun: Meet the UT Football Players
AGILITY ANGELS DOG SHOW
FINDLEY DAVIES KID'S MARATHON

The Glass City Marathon website is a treasure trove of information designed to keep you organized and informed for race day.  Glass City Marathon

 

Q: How in the WORLD do you organize a race?

A: With lots & lots of help!

 

Our local Mercy Health Glass City Marathon is no exception. Through sponsorship, donations, organization and hard work, our local running club is able to organize a top notch event that is quickly being recognized, nationally, as a fast & well organized race!

 

Please take a moment to recognize our

OFFICIAL 2016 SPONSORS

These local businesses, groups and organizations work to organize a safe, fun, smooth running event with many perks. Our local group of Glass City races are organized BY runners... FOR runners...

 

Sign up and Run Toledo.

SIGN UP--REGISTRATION