I am surprisingly calm considering where I will be in less than 24 hours. I will be more than a half marathon into a full marathon. I'm trying to figure out why I'm calmer than usual. I know it's because this training cycle has been so different than other times. My training has been consistent. I need a clear head to pull it all together into a good race, tomorrow. The weather & elevation are my biggest concerns, right now. 

Coach Eric helped me find speed that I didn't know I had. My fellow team mates believe I can do this. They have incredible abilities. If they think I can, there must be something to it. Hearing people call me a "beast" or ready to "kick @$$" remind me that I've proved myself this cycle. For the first time, I really am trusting my training. I've seen results I've never experienced & I've practiced mental toughness strategies. It has all been surreal. Training with Jim... training with a group... TALKING to people... learning what a slow start feels like & easing into a faster pace... restraining a faster pace then pushing when it hurt--> all new stuff for me. I met some really strong people, this time. I will be thinking of them as I run mile after mile. 

I will be holding a dialogue in my own head. I have coached people & believe anyone can become a runner. I doubted my own abilities & now I find myself coaching myself! When I doubt or think about the pain or obstacle, "Coach Me" slaps a strategy to get through it! It is the most bizarre thing to come out of this cycle. Sometimes I picture the information coming from Coach Eric. Sometimes I think of it coming from my fellow team mate, Bill. Sometimes Jim is speaking; but it's usually a third person "me" that barks me out of a panic. -I've run our business. I've guided kids through school & life decisions. I navigated through life threatening illness & insurance avalanches. I AM capable of talking myself through a race. I believe it, now. I have played it conservatively in previous races, this summer, and STILL out performed previous races. I plan to do the same here. Having confidence of a well executed, even though conservative, race makes me confident to "up" the performance, again, next time. 

I will run the mile I'm in. NOT holding to a pace relieves SO much pressure! I would be a bit more aggressive on a familiar flat Toledo course... but not knowing what the elevation will do to me, gives me a bit more permission to run "smart"- not run a "pace."

I'm doing this for my fellow Griswolds. I'm doing this for my MIT group. I'm doing this for my coaches and my family.:) THEY don't know how sentimentally sweet I am on all of them. Heaven forbid THAT awkward moment should arise that I bust out crying in front of them all, telling them 'how much I love them!!!' *WOWSAS* 

For now, we need to drive the few hours, get through the expo, get to our hotel, have dinner & work out the morning logistics. There is still PLENTY of time for old, panicky Sarah to show up. ;) I have a feeling that this race, despite the time on the clock, will be a break through race for me. I'm surprisingly excited. 

Reflection: this cycle of training has been heads and shoulders above anything I have ever done, prior. I feel like this is my first "real" time seriously training. I had gotten by on 2-3 runs a week before heading into a marathon. I wished I could do more, but with kids, working, being accident prone & running a house (not to mention a sick hubby, last year)-- it was all I could do.

The BIG changing factors: running MORE days a week- I thought I would hurt "more" but in reality, I felt better the more I ran. I was better conditioned  as the long runs got even longer farther into the training schedule.

Change 2: Running with Jim got me out the door, regularly. At a slower pace, I didn't get hurt. 👍🏼

Change 3: The marathon training group was my biggest, personal "obstacle." As a naturally inclined introvert, running with others was a cause for anxiety. I had been doing this long enough, however, that I wanted REAL changes. The thought of track work was a mystery, a lure & a reason for anxiety.

I couldn't have stumbled into a better group. I came to a Tuesday track night because it fit into my work schedule. I had NO clue "who" to pick. I had always hoped for a 4 (or sub 4) hour marathon so I went "lofty." I approached the 4:05 pace group. I met an out going mother-hen of a coach & a quiet, soft-spoken coach duo. They would be the EXACT thing I needed to keep me coming back! Coach Mary learned my name quickly which made being a wallflower impossible. Coach Eric was of few words but he lead the marathon group on many miles at various paces. Coach Mary appealed to my heart. Coach Eric appealed to my brain. 😁 Numbers, laps, paces-- it was what I needed to build my confidence! "Holy crap! We were doing WHAT pace?!" Eventually I believed it & I dropped many doubts. 👍🏼

There were some in the group that I spent many miles with. I was leery about spending time with people running. I'm not a talker. Too much talking about "life" tires me out, mentally. I usually let my mind drift & I listen to music. There is a "transcendental state" when a group is in sync, just running. There was one runner in my group that shocked me at first but became dear to my heart. He was an older runner & blunt about my "crazy pants." There were a few of us that "packed" on longer training runs but little Bill melted my cold, "don't-talk-to-anybody" heart. I was there to work, not socialize. I guess I learned I could do both.

This week is my race. It is not flat coursed Toledo. It will be hilly & the forecast has been calling for HEAT & now thunder storms. I will start slowly & do my best. I do not expect a 4:05 time but I am optimistic. I feel strong. Come what may, I'm playing it conservatively at the start & I hope I do my training justice.

Hills, heat & high water, lets do this.

Jim at mile one: Surprisingly, I feel really good! My legs feel good.

People around us chuckled. We had started toward the back. It would be Jim's race/ his pace & he did great! Each mile brought reflection of a person dear to our family. Mile one was for "us." Mile 2 was for Jillian. Mile 3 was for Hannah. Mile 4 was for my sister. Mile 5 was for Betsy, Jim's mom. Mile 6 was for Grandpa Tom. On & on: one for family members, Lucy, Toledo Roadrunners & mile 12 was for me. 💕 I only took 1/2 of it until mile 12 1/2. That was the farthest Jim had ever run while training so I said the last 1/2 mile was for both of us. "It starts & ends with us..."

We had people talking to us during the course. "Weren't you on the news?" We chatted. We said thank you to each spectator & volunteer. As we approached the stadium, we saw cheering friends & got many high-5's. I started crying but it was brief; because it's hard to run & cry. As we got to the entrance of the stadium, we saw Amanda, our head Glass City Marathon ambassador. I waved. She got a big smile, looks at Jim & says: "Get in there, you Bad A$$!" We busted out laughing & it gave us a charge into the stadium. I didn't hear my name. I expected Jim to surge to the finish & I thought I'd see him "from behind." Instead, he grabbed my hand. Yep- I started crying & kissed his hand. We crossed the finish line hand-in-hand then hugged & cried (more) at the finish. I put that medal around his neck & told him that I knew he could do it. We saw friends, talked more & saw my sister & our girls. They hugged us even though we were sweaty. We came home, got cleaned up & went to a late lunch. I was going to pay for my Spring babies: Anita, Jillian, Jim & Hannah. I love them all so much. Jim's brother was in town from Texas. He was going to surprise Jim & come to his race. We missed each other; but, he met us for lunch & there was an 'argument' as to who would pay between me, my sister & my brother-in-law. 😂

We jammed & sang Hamilton songs on the way home. It was quite a perfect day.

On the course, Jim told me: "Momma, I'm going to keep running." I believe him. Later he told me: "My next goal is 15 miles... & hill work." 😂

Today has been emotionally draining. I got up early & volunteered at the Glass City Marathon expo.

Jim's past year of recovery & training was picked up, locally, by the paper & tv news. They asked for a personal interview. The reporter asked questions & Jim answered most of them. We discussed the support that we received from the Toledo Roadrunners. -Not only was it hard reviewing & reliving a year and a half of emotions and sickness in a couple of minutes, we had an OUTPOURING of well wishes & supportive words. I had complete strangers approaching at the expo, wishing us well & giving me hugs. -I AM NOT A CRIER... but I am completely choked up.

I kept quiet & distant from everyone during all of this. Only after Jim was out of the woods did we share photos (all with his permission) & the extent of his illness. Seeing genuine kindness & concern in response to the details is moving.

I try to take myself out of an equation sometimes. Only then can you really see the true points of any situation. I feel that others are genuinely happy when a human being survives illness. They are happy for the person AND the family- kids & spouse. I know I would be happy that a family stayed in tact.

I appreciate everyone's kindness. Tomorrow will be emotional. It will be a happy ending to Jim's ordeal. Jim still has side effects from his sickness but compared to what we've been through-- it is manageable.

Thank you, Everyone, from our entire family. If I don't say anything in person, tomorrow, it's probably because I'm holding back an ugly cry. Please know we're in a good place, right now. 💕

I ran our last track night with the Marathon in Training group before Glass City Marathon, Sunday. It seems surreal. I didn't do anything "socially" with anyone outside of the scheduled workouts, twice a week... Some people were able to run together more often. I fit in two group runs, regularly. It was nice chit chatting a bit before & after our work outs.

I still have a hard time with the whole, "Hey, you don't know me. What's your name?" I CAN approach strangers if I am representing a cause... but I 'can't' be that way all of the time.

Tonight, I felt a sadness knowing I may not have the courage to approach these strong runners, again, individually. I'll try... because while I wasn't always in the "thick" of the conversations (I can't concentrate to hold a conversation during a run)... it was nice to be part of the "group" & listen.

Tonight, I was the only female in my pace group. There were many women in attendance, tonight; but my pace group was 5 (pretty large) guys & 4'11" me. I ran at the back... & listened. Such is the life of a wallflower. It's comfortable.

Two young boys at the park pretended they wanted to race us. I said, "Come on!" They sprinted along for awhile then putzed out. I admit I felt good about that! We ran past a young girl & her grandfather (?). I imagined someday she would remember me going past & recall 'the girl strong enough to run with the boys.' Maybe she would run, someday, too. My mind drifted from the conversation between the lead runners, dodging goose poop, looking at the water, contemplating the new work schedule, hiring a new employee, thinking of the Boston marathon & how I would need to train.  I also was looking for the next cone when we would stop our "sprint"!

Before I knew it, we were done. I quietly left. It felt like early dismissal from school as this is taper week for the majority of the group. No one noticed. I trotted back to my van- a mile away...

I want to join the Fall training group. The summer training group is hopeful but not likely as we have 4-H obligations that require me leading up some groups & projects. Add a graduating senior with graduation festivities, yard work with no hired help for it... & summer will fly by on its own. Training will be a lower ebb until the end of July.

Now home, I pick up my grown up responsibilities & plan. This week will go quickly. Jim's first 1/2! Canton quickly following. I'm kind of on a downer after watching Boston. I didn't even run it & have the post-race blues! I need to focus on what's ahead-- & there's a lot still coming.

Life is good, right now. Running just adds to it.

10 miler on the training schedule, today. I admit, I got butterflies looking at it. I have a lot of work on TH nights. Having a double digit run during the day, in addition to running kids back & forth between high school and college... capping it off with hours of work makes for a long day.

I popped a caffeine pill, put it in low gear & started a trot. I had a route in mind, music & a cool day. I started on the paved all purpose trail at Oak Openings & moved onto crushed gravel. Ahead of me, I saw Canada geese & chuckled as I saw them "running" the trail. Their swaying plump bodies did not look comfortable trying to stay ahead of me. I wondered if this is how others saw me at races, from behind- short, thick in the middle, ducky feet, swaying awkwardly & a slow pace... 😁

I reflected on how I would relate this experience on social media & WHY. -As a late bloomer, I feel strongly about "telling all." I was so convinced that I "couldn't"... that I didn't try. I know there are others like me. Moms raising kids- giving so much of themselves- they forget that they deserve respect, also- from others AND themselves.

I heard late bloomers often can't distinguish between discomfort & injury/pain. I admit this was the case with me. I had no knowledge of: gear, form, pace, fueling, race day strategy, positive talk, training... I want other women to know that it's ok to "not know" & learn as you go... or better yet... learn from other's mistakes (mine).

As I reflected on the geese ahead of me & my own biomechanics, I wanted to write about it. It addressed the "what if people laugh at me?" question as well as self-image. -I still don't "look like a runner." I'm finding that people still judge. While I don't like it, I do it, too. And when it boils down to its basic human elements, we'll keep doing it. Let people think what they want when they see my matriarchal hips & thick middle. I know how far I've come. I know my "waddle" was slower & always injured. I know a fast waddle comes before flight...

And- by the way- when I DO post my race times (you may notice I often don't post my training run times-- slow & steady), my intent is to show a person can blow their own expectations out of the water. My pace is NOT as fast as some... & it is WAY faster than others. Pace is relative to YOU. My intent is not bragging. My intent is to help women know not to "sell yourself short." I am STILL making advancements at 48 years old! I never thought I'd race... or race without vomiting... let alone come first in my age group... or miss Overall Female Masters by less than 40 seconds/mile. (Mind you, that's a lot faster than me... but not out of my grasp...) The change is a process physically; but, I'm finding it's a mental transformation as well.

This Momma Goose still has some feathers to ruffle... & I'll share the stories as I go.

I can (pretty confidently) say that most reading this post aren't elite runners. I want you to know it's ok. It's okay to "suck" at the beginning. We all do...

I promise: "it" can happen. Moms are a tenacious bunch. Women are an unyielding strength. Use a bit of that for yourself... & amaze yourself. 💕

Training runs: Jim & I have learned a rhythm. When I ran with people faster than me, I was very cognizant of them turning to "check on me." It caused anxiety. At Glass City, it will be Jim setting the pace. I will run next to him or slightly out of his peripheral so as not to cause anxiety. -He has never done this Distance & plans to run, not race it, like any other training run. (Little does he know about the charge a taper will bring as well as race day excitement...) -I DO suspect that it will not be the last 1/2 we do together, however. I've got a list & will wait to bring it up in a few weeks. 😁


Jim has put in more miles than HE ever thought he would- preparing for the Glass City. He did his first mile (again), this summer (?). It was roughly 14-ish minutes. Considering he was emaciated & bed ridden, then in a wheel chair & barely able to stand & walk... we were ecstatic when he did indeed "Trot" a full mile!!! I have had people ask what our estimated pace will be on race day. To this I reply: the distance is the goal, not the time. AND when he crosses that finish line, it will represent much more than any race I've ever done. It will be the end of his photo album ("Jim's Recovery Album 2") on Facebook & the beginning of a new photo album: "Jim's Races." We'll drop "recovery" from the title. 👍🏼

He's ready...

Podiatrist appointment: he asked 'how it was going.' He wanted to know if I was able to keep training since our last appointment. I told him about my two long runs with triple band-aids for the cushioning & my 5K PR. "I hate you..." he chuckled. We talked about me doing a 6:50 pace but getting scared that I couldn't keep that pace. (I'm not talking worried. I literally mean scared...) "Scared of what?" Me: "Heaving in front of people at mile 2 or 3..." Dr: "Who cares?! You limit yourself with THAT (points to Garmin). Listen to your body & not limit yourself with that..." -Little does he know how much I've questioned myself in the past. How much I've mentally overcome, already. I used the illustration of a baby elephant at a circus. 'They tie them to a stake, outside, with a thick rope. The baby will pull & pull until exhaustion & cant get away/break the rope. Eventually it stops fighting. As an adult, they tie a small string/thin rope around the grown elephant's leg. The elephant has been CONDITIONED to believe it can't break free & doesn't try.'

My dr looked at me as I used this illustration. His eyes got big. "I was wondering where you were going with this. Do you consider yourself a baby elephant?" He smiled. "I think I'm learning that I was 'conditioned' to believe in limitations... I'll move past that... I AM moving past that."

I do want to see how fast I can eventually get... but I STILL put on the brakes. "My range is X to Y. My next race will be Y to Z... but no one cares if it is something different. I could hit a 3:55 & qualify for Boston/ or a 4:05/ or a 4:15... no one cares but me." Dr: "I understand..." Me: "I know you understand. That's why I'm telling you." We both laughed then he commented on wanting matching capris, like mine. Me: "We could be twins & no one would be able to tell us apart..." 😂

He's a good guy. He's a former TRRC member & former marathoner (now has limiting health issues). I see his eyes light up when we talk about running.  Maybe he'll come back around realizing you can still be active in the club even if you don't run marathons.

If he does come back, just make sure you can tell us apart if we wear our matching capris. 😁

I didn't know "what" I'd be able to do, today. I had a long run, yesterday, & my ankles were a bit tender. I saw some familiar faces & was asked the age old question amongst runners: "What pace are you doing?" -Seriously, I don't know "what" I can do. It fluctuates from day to day. I thought I should be able to hold a low 8 minute per mile pace. SECRETLY, I was hoping for an 8:05 pace. The gun went off & I took off... I was feeling comfortable but my mouth was a little dry. *sucking wind?* I looked at my Garmin & it said I was doing a 6:50 per mile pace. While I FELT okay I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to hold that for 3.1 miles-- at least not yet. I slowed- on purpose. As I looked down periodically, I was seeing a 7:30-ish pace. I wondered if that was still too much to ask. As I saw myself leaning toward a high 7 min mile, I was getting mad. My mind was reeling. "Sub 8's for three miles. That was your long term goal. You're doing it." While it was happening, I already wasn't happy that I wasn't trying harder for mid 7's. "Just get 3 sub 8's then you can shoot for 7:30's on your next one..."

It's amazing the dialogue I have in my head. Sometimes I tell myself to cut myself some slack & go easy. Sometimes I'm really beating myself to work harder. I AM noticing that I haven't heard the voice that said I "couldn't" for awhile. I was surprised to hear a new voice, regularly, "Come on, you can do this. You've got this. You've done this before. This is the same thing you've already done at track..." I cannot tell you what a MENTAL boost the Marathon in Training Group has been for me! KNOWING I "can" is MORE than 1/2 the battle for me personally.

I am forever indebted to Coach Mary for making a wallflower feel welcome & STAYING with the program when every ounce of me wanted to bolt, hide & not come back (mentally). Coach Eric for doing all of our pacing at track & long runs. Him telling us the pace we were trying to hit & getting us there, I KNEW I could do it-- no doubt. Even our cheerleader, Jenifer (who has since moved to a different pace group) runs through my mind, "Woooooo! We've got this!" (then fist bumps the group).

The support I've received from Jim has been HUGE! Having him with me on training runs is amazing & gets me out the door, regularly.

I- seriously- don't know what time I'll have in Canton. The elevation is an unknown for this living-in-pancake-flat-ville girl. All of this is new & I'm just enjoying the transformation. I am seeing advancement & I know it's all "working." This year & next year... I'm just happy to see the numbers going down. Of course, I'd like to see PR's by a minute per mile at every race!😁 It's not likely, however-- not YET... 💕

(Photo credit to the Porter Family)

What makes a race an EVENT? How can a person support a race & the participants in the race & have fun at the same time? -I introduce: THE CHEER (SPIRIT) STATION! I cannot tell you how important these people are! These are small groups of people planted along a route that may or may not be connected to a water/aid station.

What do you need for your own cheer station? Any or all of the following:

• A loud voice to cheer for ALL of the racers
• Reminders that someone is: "Looking good!" "You've got this!" "Great job!" are always accepted with a smile.
• Hands to clap, wave or high-5
• A musical instrument
• A banner or sign
• Sidewalk chalk for notes on the road
• A cow bell, whistle or drum
• Thunder sticks
• COSTUMES for the brave hearted
• Music playlist blaringly reminding me that I have the "EYE OF THE TIGER!"

The Mercy Health Glass City Marathon is quickly approaching. Are you participating? If you're running, we'll see you at the start line. If you're not running, I hope to see you along the course. Please give me a high-5. I may need it. :)

One kid was taking exams this morning which had the school put the other kid on a two hour delay. I took one kid to school at 7:30. The next kid needed to be at school at 9:30 - but picked up at the usual 10:47 so we could get her to UT for Biology. I decided to run 4 miles of hills, near the school. It fit into the schedule perfectly. I picked up 2-hour delay girl & got her to UT... & decided to close my eyes in the parking lot. Sometimes Lab is done in an hour... sometimes more or less time. I usually wait in the parking lot doing office work; but today, I wanted a nap. I woke up as I heard someone messing with my van. It was one of my 4-H kids leaving a note on my windshield! I sat up & scared him, as he scared me & I went into a coughing fit as I almost choked on my gum. He came to the driver's window & apologized. I'm groggy & tried to hold a conversation as I kept coughing. I cut it short because I was pretty out of it. I fell back to sleep (nothing suspicious like a sleeping person in a car, in a parking lot). I was interrupted by PM's & text messages then I got the text that Jillian was done with Lab. I drove across campus (from the free parking lot) to get her & we went home where I finally get cleaned up & finished that nap before work, tonight.

Life is a juggle fest but I'm grateful it all gets done & a nap is manna from heaven, sometimes. It's late & I'm hungry. I contemplate if food or sleep is more important. I suspect my nap is pushing the decision of food to the front of the line. Jim is graciously making something to eat. He shares his running story with me about finishing right before the rain with Lucy but getting stuck in the downpour as OnStar has a delay unlocking his truck. Lucy stares at him & Jim is laughing as he recounts the story. We are training separately at times but we have the same goal-- to keep running until we're super old. 😊 I think that goal is pretty attainable as long as I can sneak a nap in from time to time. 💕

(Sorry for the language)  :)

You guys-- I did it! After last week's DNF, I was skeptical but hopeful about today's mileage. No compression "during" my run (but I'm definitely wearing some, later), less Tailwind (every 3 miles, now), a small tangerine (pieces) after mile 15 & most importantly: a SLOW, conservative start! I was aiming for 10:30/min miles. I was avg 10-10:30 for the first 6 miles-- right on target. After mile 6, I looked down & saw my pace was 9:15! CRAP! I tried to slow down but could only bring it to a 9:30. I desperately tried to slow down, more, & took it to a 9:45. Slow... down... more-- this wasn't a race. It was a training run & I had a LOT of miles ahead of me! Eventually I stayed around 9:30-9:45 until the finish. I felt surprisingly "okay."

As a plus, because I missed last week's mileage, I thought I should do 19 miles, this week & 22 next week. Then I thought: "I'll shoot for 20." Then: "What's the difference between 20 & 22? Just do the 22..." I did & surprisingly felt "good." No lying, my feet were triple bandaged, hot spots had Band-AIDS "just in case"... I was on ibuprofen & caffeine... I had some light (in weight shoes) with the lugs right below my foot wound alleviating pressure & irritation from each impact. I had Injinji socks which alleviated irritation to my toenail. All in all, considering discomfort would eventually come (& it did), I tried to keep myself as comfortable as I could, for as long as I could, before discomfort was inevitable. I'm pleased with a strong finish-- not a fast finish-- but the wheels come off if I race. I kept my "wheels" easily "on" the whole time, today. 😁

I am no longer concerned about the distance for Canton. I am concerned about the elevation. Each mile, today, with the slightest of elevation, left me slower. I know what I will be working on the next few weeks--> elevation!

I'm uncertain what mileage to do next weekend, as the group peaked in mileage, today, before Glass City. My race is a week after Glass City. I think I'll aim for another 20 miler then start a taper.

Glass City, here we come! Canton, treat me kindly... please...