This summer I've noticed some things. I forgot to take my phone to work a couple of times or I would put my phone or keys down & not remember where they were. This didn't happen often; but for me, it was unusual. I told my doctor I had been crying. She said it was probably just me taking care of a family, juggling a sick husband, work & training. It apparently wasn't a reason to order a hormonal test or a brain scan. 😊 I was certain things were "changing." This month I went to read my phone & had to adjust how far it was from my eyes, a first. I also had to adjust the angle of my phone. I made an eye dr appt- mostly because I had one pair of contacts left. The usual readings & tests took place. I wanted glasses since my prescription had changed significantly. (I have been in glasses since first grade. I peaked at a negative 9.5, at one point.) As I've gotten older, people naturally get far sighted. This has worked to my advantage. I am now a negative 7.5 AND no more astigmatism in my right eye! Woot! Woot! Imagine my surprise when the lady fitting me for glasses said bifocals. "What?! My eyes are getting better!" Hmmmm... I do remember her saying something when I read the fine, small print about readers. I presumed I DIDN'T need readers. Perhaps I read the line easily because she DID magnify it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

So, I sat- she'll shocked- as she told me my options. I agreed to bifocals. They are my back up. Contacts are still my first visual aid.

I also got my teeth checked, yesterday. I had 50% bone loss after my braces. A specialist gave me options, yesterday. I was sad. He was optimistic. He was also a runner. I noticed his Detroit marathon shirt under his scrubs. He emailed me stuff to do in Chicago next weekend. I am stoked.

Recap: I'm losing my eyes & my teeth! 🙀 Kidding... BUT... I AM fighting getting old(er) as long as I can.

I'm running & doing stuff I couldn't do at 18; I'm proud of that. I suspect, however, that I'll be getting frustrated with my limitations- emotionally,
mentally & visually.

No choice-- it's going to happen. I'll be going with the flow-- but fighting at the same time.

This past weekend was wonderful. Can running a race change the world? Maybe not. Can wearing pink Cure my friend with cancer? No. Can wearing pink show another friend I'm glad she kicked cancer? Yes. -Some of my race registration goes for local screening & stays to help local females. I know there are volunteers & I know there are others that get paid. If I dwell too much on it, I could get pessimistic at the cost of the race (that affects me) & lose sight of people. I heard women stating how long they had been cancer free, this weekend. I was genuinely happy for all of them; but when I heard one woman say she was cancer free for one month, I choked. The fear, the hope, the fear, again... I remember feeling all of it, not too long ago. 

I run because I physically can. It makes me feel alive even when it sucks. I run because I couldn't. I run because I was told not to... I run for other people when they can't & I run because a small part of my running monetarily helps those around me. 

There are upcoming events. I don't expect that Everyone can run every event, every weekend, every month; but, most of these races have a charity that benefits. I WISH I could do them all. I, personally, love the idea of benefitting kids, women & the sick. 

Why the long windedness? It was a feel good weekend. There is another race approaching, soon. 

Racing for Recovery is in October. I did it last year with Jim. I scoffed, at first, at the cost of two entries, honestly; but, it was local, a friend was doing her first 5K, Jim was well enough & wanted to participate. How could I say no? 

Jim went through his own recovery. While his battle wasn't with street drugs, a life or death situation is just that- no matter what the cause. This race was significant. It was Jim's second 5K post illness. I ran with him. I ran with him instead of solo; because, at one time he couldn't. I ran with him; because at one time I was whining because I WAS running, solo. Now, here, finally, I was running with my partner. Speed would come with strength & endurance.

As I see the advertising of this year's rock theme, I smile. I have never battled addiction. I hear it is awful. I hope to help, locally, while doing something I love. I'll be Racing for Recovery.

RACING FOR RECOVERY ROCK'TOBER 10K, 5K, 1 MILE WALK

School drop offs & a dr appt had me to Oak Openings later than usual. My body is still sore from this weekend so I opted for soft- SHADED- trails since it was 80. 😩 It is getting dangerous with fallen leaves covering the trails. No more single track for me until after Chicago. I kicked a root with my left foot & went flying. No face plants, though! 






OMGooodness! Guess who I found at Oak openings? The woman who pushed me into all of this!  The woman who didn't let me get in the last word. The woman who kept telling me I "could" when I kept telling her I "couldn't."She kept reinforcing positivity when my own mother& husband said I couldn't. I thought I couldn't. She knew otherwise. She doted on me, today, like I was a kid she hasn't seen in a long time. She commented, repeatedly at how far I've come & how many changes I've made as a runner. As a fellow runner, she "gets it." She knows the amount of work it takes to get to a start line, a new pace or a new mind set. 

After chatting for some time in the parking lot, we went our separate ways. She invited me to run with her; but we are still very different runners. I NEEDED the trails on my achy body. She wanted pavement. I couldn't physically bring myself to endure the pounding of pavement, today. She chats. I "don't" when running. I am not "mute;" but at a fast pace, or a technical trail, I can't talk. I don't believe I am faster than her, despite what she said, today. I still don't believe I could ever out run her... & part of me wants to keep it that way. In my mind, she will always be the BQ qualifier, the goal setter, the inspiration, the original encouragement. 

I took that encouragement... & ran with it. 

I'm a runner-nerd. I write, think & schedule running around a crazy family schedule. Anyone raising kids knows that to be an "individual" can be difficult when raising kids. I feel selfish at times when I'm out doing miles; but, I know this past time strengthens my entire family, so I continue. I'm no elite. I'm "old" -or should I say "a master"? I'm thick in the middle; but I'm a "progress." I constantly write about this progress & I usually get positive feedback.

This past week & weekend was no different. I wrote about my training lows, complained about the heat & rejoiced over training highs- however brief they were. I wrote about Mirna on Facebook. I was mad that someone verbally attacked her. I was sticking up for her when I was hit with an avalanche of feedback. This wasn't about running. It was a verbal attack on her physical appearance, her person, her abilities and efforts.

REI --The MIRNAVATOR--

My Facebook comments connected to this video: "Dang! This just REALLY upsets me. It's hard enough being the only color in a white sport. It's hard for me having "no waist" in a sport where lean is pristine. She is TRYING. She's not sitting on her a$$. (I'm sorry to use such language but seriously!!!) Give credit where credit is due! She has done longer distances than I have! You don't think she wants to lose more weight-- if anything, to be better at the sport she loves? She doesn't need harsh condemnation. She's putting her money where her mouth is. She's a process & I guarantee getting leaner will happen. 

I related to her saying that she came from a family where exercise was "foreign" to her. This was my background as well. It's hard to start with that deficit but it does show that anyone can get results. Some are genetically gifted. Some of us are fighting an uphill battle-- but we ARE battling. 

Give her some damn credit! (Again- excuse my language but this REALLY pisses me off! Excuse me, again.) Praise the effort & the results will come."  

I was enraged. If a person would attack her, it wouldn't take much for them to attack me & the rest of us "trying."

Some of us already have the negative,  doubting voices in our head. Running proves that we can overcome just about anything! "Overcoming" is relative to ourselves. Our body is a gift & deserves respect any time it works! If there is ONE thing I learned from Jim's illness, it's this: when something attacks your body & it stops working, there is nothing you want more than to do "normal" things that you once took for granted- sitting up, moving without assistance, going to the bathroom by yourself, walking, BREATHING, eating... If you "work", then be grateful. If you can walk or run--> at whatever pace you have on any given day, your body deserves applause. Put on blinders & ear plugs to idiots & quiet the voice in your head. I would be cheering others' advancements, why not my own? Why am I criticizing my best effort at that time? I've learned that I need to be merciful with myself & my abilities. 

When I started running, I was racing at 10 min miles. I was told that wasn't running. "9 min miles was running." I hit 9 min miles then the SAME person said it wasn't running. "I heard 8 min miles was 'running'." I hit 8 min miles & 7 min miles. Silence from "the definer" - no praise. Then I realized the definition of running/jogging/trotting is all relative. The person that touts a 6 min mile is JOGGING (dirty runner word) compared to an elite. My 10 minute mile is what my trim, once sickly husband is aspiring to- and getting there. Considering being completely bed ridden, a person's body "working" & "participating" IS WORTH AN AWARD. "Running" isn't defined by PACE. It's defined by effort. My 5K, all out 7 min mile running, is nothing compared to elites. But a 7 min mile is gloriously incredible to ME! AND-- Guess what? I still do my long runs at +10 minutes. 

This past weekend, I did a long run on Saturday & a 5K on Sunday. I said I wasn't going to race. I hadn't been doing speed work & the weather was not favorable to a PR. As walkers lined up at the FRONT of the start line, I moved farther & farther ahead. They joked that I could go around them despite the announcer telling walkers to let the runners start ahead of them. I caught myself thinking I was "faster." I was irritated- not that they were participating- but irritated that they refused to follow instructions for the benefit of safety and logistics of the large crowd.  The gun went off & I felt good. My breathing was fast & I checked my pace on my Garmin. It said I was at a 5:57 pace! I KNEW I couldn't hold that for the entire race. I also knew it was hot (I had been standing in the sun waiting for the start) & I did NOT want to get hurt before Chicago. I tried to slow down for the next couple of miles. As I got home looking at numbers, I see that I hit a 5:14 pace! I have NEVER done that! I didn't stay there long. This wasn't a mile race. I would have two more miles after the first! While I was momentarily jubilant at seeing a 5 minute pace, I was scared. I slowed WAY down. Mile one was a  sub 8. Miles 2 & 3 were sub 8:30's; then, I finished at a 7:15 pace kick to the finish. At one time I would have been ecstatic with that performance. I found myself critiquing negatively at my final time. I focused on hitting a 5 minute pace-- however brief-- then reigning myself back in. There was a time I would have walked. I didn't. I WANTED to-- I didn't. Small triumphs are mental confidence boosters IF you give yourself credit. 

Sometimes we advocate for & applaud others, like Mirna, noted above. Sometimes we can destroy ourselves the way her attacker did. As enraged as I was, I realize I am just as guilty- to myself & others, albeit not verbally. We are all a work in progress. -Praise the effort & the results will come...

On this day, 2 years ago, Jim was fighting what we thought was the flu. He refused to go to the doctor. I dragged him to an urgent care office, after I dropped the girls off at school. I thought it would be a visit, a prescription & home to bed. He had a seizure in the parking lot & never even made it into the building. He was taken to the hospital & induced into a coma. Eventually he was life flighted to Cleveland Clinic. As I reflect on where we were & what we went through for the next year and a half, I realized it wasn't just his survival story. It unfolded into a love story- between two people & within our family. I pride myself at being analytical. I almost choked the first time Jim uttered "that word." I refrained from getting too emotional for years. As Jim woke up then went through a year of rehab, this "guarded heart" became a "bleeding heart." 

Yesterday, as I reflected on this, I couldn't control my emotions. I was supposed to run with my running group. I started with them & was able to run 11 miles. I once had a strong ability to "shut it off," emotionally. I couldn't. I left my group & sobbed for hours. I "ugly cried" on the trail as I walked back to my van. I cried in my van. I cried on the way home and as soon as I saw Jim, I gave him a sweaty-gross bear hug & sobbed more. I cried in the shower & decided I should just try to take a nap & "stop" so I wouldn't freak my family out. "Is this menopause? What is WRONG with me?!" I haven't cried that long in a LONG time. I've cried more since his recovery than when he was sick... or more than I can EVER remember crying, really. -I know people that are sick have it bad. Jim was so physically fragile that the girls & I worked & went into protective overdrive. What is often over looked are care givers. This experience was awful for myself & the girls as well. I was physically drained & trying to be emotionally "off" so I wouldn't collapse. I had to focus on juggling work, the girls, care giving responsibilities & home life.  They were juggling school, their own fears & taking care of their father. Three lionesses protecting the lion king until he could get up on his own. He did.

 

Today is the two year anniversary of Jim's admittance to the hospital. It has been a life altering event. He is a survivor. I understand, now, why cancer survivors wear that badge so honorably. It takes a true warrior to fight with every ounce of breath & strength when it hurts & you're so tired.

I see families separating & it makes me terribly sad. Ours is stronger now than it has ever been & I am grateful.

I was able to sit & sign up for some races, last night. This is something I said I'd never do: pay to run, when any person can do it for free. I used to get SO anxious, that I'd be in the bathroom for hours before a race with anxiety & an upset stomach. I needed to prove to myself & others that I could do it, though. It has gotten a bit easier. I still get nervous; but, it's a head game, now. If I tell myself I'm just going to "trot," & not have a time goal, I do much better. If I race, the wheels usually come off. This is ultimately a life lesson, too. Anxiety doesn't make the present pleasant or usually affect the outcome, positively. I have never died or gotten lost at a race; so, I realize, now, that may have been a bit of extreme worrying. 😂 I swore I'd never wear a costume for a race--> people would look at me (!!!) & not consider me a "real" runner. Guess what: who cares?! My abilities are "what they are" in a costume or not. There will be people faster than me & slower than me. A silly outfit sometimes makes a plain event a "party." 😁 I'm not sure if I'm getting "seasoned" or just old & don't give a care...

I truly believe Jim getting so sick & surviving has impacted all of us to realize: "Every day is a gift. Enjoy it. Wear the tutu. Dance. Hug. Sing. Say, 'I love you.' Eat a cookie."

There were races I passed up- begrudgingly. I had to realize (as my husband reminded me) that my "fun" can wear me (& my family) out. The 5K's that I did sign up for, I have to remember they aren't "my race." Komen for the Cure is right before Chicago. I need to not get hurt doing little races that could affect my goal race that I've been training months for... I need to balance "the head game" & stay focused.

For now, I prepare for the miles, I have, today. My group has speed work, tonight. I have to train an employee. So--> I should get up & get miles done, now... then life will be good. 💕🌼🦋🦄🌸🌈🌝🍭🏆🎀🎉💕

The Boy Scout's 1/2 Marathon was today in Bowling Green, Ohio. The "plan" was to trot, take it easy during the race & do extra miles after the race. I thought I had 18 miles on the schedule. It turns out I had 19! I planned to do an easy peasy 10 min pace for all 19. I wanted today to truly be only a training run-- not a race. That was the PLAN; because, I usually go out too fast at the start of a race & suffer miserably at the end. My "mantra," as I practice for Chicago, is: "Save it. Save it." I could only "save it" at a 10 min pace, for the first few miles. I dropped progressively each mile then hung out at a 9 1/2 min pace. My last mile was a sub 9, finishing at an 8:01 min pace. 

I had plenty in the tank to finish more miles, afterwards. So my goal during training really IS to hold back at the beginning. It is difficult because everyone takes off & you get swept up in the idea of "RACE!!!" It's also strategy. Today was 19 miles but a marathon is 26.2. I truly need to be conservative at the beginning if I want to have a strong finish. 

Considering I had a chiropractor appointment, yesterday, in which he said my hip slipped & I was more than a half inch off leg lengths-- WHICH-- he then proceeded to POP THAT PUPPY back into place... I honestly didn't know what I'd be able to do, today. My entire body was aching this week. My knee was in true, stabbing pain. My left calf was a giant knot all week & was threatening to rip my Achilles. After the alignment, the knee & Achilles were still tender but they held up fine, today. Another long run is done for another week. My finish time was 2:06. I am mixed about this time. Had I considered racing, as one friend kept pushing me to do, I could have had a better time. Had I raced, I may not have had gas in the tank for my extra miles. I feel I needed the knowledge that I had a strong finish & "more at the end" with a 10 min start pace, MORE than a fast race time. I have a pacing strategy for Chicago.

I am working at a different race, tomorrow. The Fulton County fair has started. I am covering hours for employees taking vacation days...add construction at our house for sheer (temporary) chaos and you have the makings for a very busy weekend. I am waiting for the dust to settle... but I must admit, Life is good, right now.