Monday, December 8, 2014

I usually run... then write. Today, I'm having a hard time getting out the door. "It's cold. It's gray. I have a doctor's appointment, later. I'm bad; I ate like a slob, this weekend. I'd be going solo. What's the point? I'm not making a living out of this..."


These thoughts always go through my mind. Most days I dismiss them, easily. Today, I want to climb back into bed & cry. Hormonal? Maybe... As a bit of a perfectionist, when I perform less than expected I get really bummed. My "list" is always an endless amount of things that needs to be done. I will never finish the list. I tell myself that my family doesn't notice some of my "to do/done" items, anyways.


I know a run will make me feel better... but what if it doesn't, today? My mind is playing tricks on me. Is it better to sit here & just pout? My mommy duties call to me. Laundry, dishes & a perfect floor or yard will never exist, here. I've got a Better Homes & Garden picture in my mind... a photo shopped physique of ideal. Old voices of "can't" are loud in my mind... so I don't. I turn to past inspirational quotes & pictures. It's what I have told others. It's what I knew I would need for myself. I know this mindset is temporary... but the planner in me wants life all organized & on index cards. Today, my cards are disarrayed & I can't get it organized. -What would I tell my girls? How would I comfort them?


-Love-empathy-mercy-



Mercy is not just holding back punishment... It is at times "undeserved kindness". I don't feel I deserve kindness, today. Why is self-love, kindness or praise contingent on results, size, performance...? I don't believe it's always a bad thing to expect more of yourself... Today, I remind myself that I need to be merciful...


Today, I pick mercy...

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