I didn't know "what" I'd be able to do, today. I had a long run, yesterday, & my ankles were a bit tender. I saw some familiar faces & was asked the age old question amongst runners: "What pace are you doing?" -Seriously, I don't know "what" I can do. It fluctuates from day to day. I thought I should be able to hold a low 8 minute per mile pace. SECRETLY, I was hoping for an 8:05 pace. The gun went off & I took off... I was feeling comfortable but my mouth was a little dry. *sucking wind?* I looked at my Garmin & it said I was doing a 6:50 per mile pace. While I FELT okay I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to hold that for 3.1 miles-- at least not yet. I slowed- on purpose. As I looked down periodically, I was seeing a 7:30-ish pace. I wondered if that was still too much to ask. As I saw myself leaning toward a high 7 min mile, I was getting mad. My mind was reeling. "Sub 8's for three miles. That was your long term goal. You're doing it." While it was happening, I already wasn't happy that I wasn't trying harder for mid 7's. "Just get 3 sub 8's then you can shoot for 7:30's on your next one..."
It's amazing the dialogue I have in my head. Sometimes I tell myself to cut myself some slack & go easy. Sometimes I'm really beating myself to work harder. I AM noticing that I haven't heard the voice that said I "couldn't" for awhile. I was surprised to hear a new voice, regularly, "Come on, you can do this. You've got this. You've done this before. This is the same thing you've already done at track..." I cannot tell you what a MENTAL boost the Marathon in Training Group has been for me! KNOWING I "can" is MORE than 1/2 the battle for me personally.
I am forever indebted to Coach Mary for making a wallflower feel welcome & STAYING with the program when every ounce of me wanted to bolt, hide & not come back (mentally). Coach Eric for doing all of our pacing at track & long runs. Him telling us the pace we were trying to hit & getting us there, I KNEW I could do it-- no doubt. Even our cheerleader, Jenifer (who has since moved to a different pace group) runs through my mind, "Woooooo! We've got this!" (then fist bumps the group).
The support I've received from Jim has been HUGE! Having him with me on training runs is amazing & gets me out the door, regularly.
I- seriously- don't know what time I'll have in Canton. The elevation is an unknown for this living-in-pancake-flat-ville girl. All of this is new & I'm just enjoying the transformation. I am seeing advancement & I know it's all "working." This year & next year... I'm just happy to see the numbers going down. Of course, I'd like to see PR's by a minute per mile at every race!😁 It's not likely, however-- not YET... 💕