This weekend was a race. My body & mind were anxious. I felt sick... always... & it was just a 5K. Marathon days are horrible but doing shorter races helps me "callous" race day jitters. I suppose I'm getting better.

People ask why I get so nervous... or... why do you do it? They seem surprised because I do race, often... but that hasn't always been the case. When I started "running" it was in "secret". The thought of running in front of others was a HORRIBLE thought to me! If I didn't however, eventually... how could I "prove" to others that I was really training? I knew I had to race if I wanted to feel like a "real runner."

My 1st race was a 5K in July, in the evening. Can you say HOT? I was SO ANXIOUS that morning, I couldn't get out of the bathroom. I lost over two pounds that day due to nerves... When I got to the race, I couldn't talk to anyone. I was in a sheer panic! I got in line to use the bathroom (AGAIN) before the race & everyone was quietly waiting their turn. The silence was deafening & I finally blurted out: "Is no one else here FREAKING OUT?!" Women looked at me. No one said anything... they just turned their bodies "away" from my direction. In hindsight (which is ALWAYS 20/20) I was suffering from "stage fright".

I STILL suffer from "stage fright"- SERIOUS, physical reaction "stage fright". So WHY do I race if I still feel like I want to vomit? I do it because it's an exercise in "get over it- you didn't die". I ALWAYS feel better after a race. I feel accomplished. "I did it." Sometimes I have a good finish time... sometimes I don't... but I ALWAYS learn something.

Adrenaline is adrenaline- big race or small... It's a mental game as well as a physical race, for me.

THEN... when I calm down & see photos of the event... I relish them!

 

THIS is why I race! Look at all of those age groups, ethnicities, genders, physical conditions (yes that's a pregnant Momma)! You want to do well. You don't want others to pass you- but some will... There is no REAL comparison to the person next to you when there is such a span of abilities. I am inspired by the person next to me- moreso, to not get passed! I'm inspired by the person in front of me- their gait, their form, the ease of their stride... I'm inspired by those behind me- those that are in public running when I was "practicing" running in the woods. We all have the same goal: the finish line.

As I prepare mentally & physically for Glass City, I have more races this weekend to practice calming my nerves. My stomach is churning, right NOW, just thinking about this weekend. My heart is pounding & I can feel my breathing getting heavy... I guess I still need a LOT of work to relax & enjoy the whole experience... but I'm working on it.

I AM enjoying the kinship at races, now. I couldn't bring myself to stick around & talk to people, afterwards. Toledo Roadrunners are a good bunch of people. Yes- we all want to be faster- but we'll celebrate at the finish with you! We'll slow down if you need a hand. We'll cheer for you... I'm looking forward to Glass City. I just need a few more panic races under my belt to reign myself in, beforehand... So I can relax & have FUN, too...

Fun AFTERWARDS: as a Nerdy PIrate at the Run for Super PI

ARRRRGH!!! 3-14-15