"As you wish..."

This was the line the 'poor farm boy' told Buttercup in the movie The Princess Bride. He was so smitten with her, he gave her demands precedence over anything he was doing. He did her will and gave her total preference over his own free will in life.  In the Bible, it was stated that 'the spirit left the people' when they had emotionally given up.

Why am I sharing this? There comes a time, that you care about someone so much, you give them precedence over your own desires. If there is frustration or anxiety, sometimes it can be so overwhelming, you can emotionally "shut off." I suspect it's a coping/survival mechanism.

The last few days have been emotional, to say the least. I was upset, frustrated & anxious. When I realized I had (honestly) little control, my spirit went out.

Today: I could do my morning routine of school drop offs, then climb back into bed for a bit (which I seriously considered) -OR- I could get my butt moving & change my mood. I had no desire to do anything but worry & mope. I missed my husband, my kids... my sister. I wanted to change my mood... but DIDN'T want to change my mood. -I KNEW I needed to change it. No one wants to be around a mopey downer.

I knew trail running would fix it. Road running allows my mind to wander & plan. When you trail run, you are "only in the present." You need to pay attention to tree roots, terrain and obstacles. You are constantly making quick decisions so you don't trip and fall. It's a good way to momentarily "put down" emotionally heavy weights & responsibilities, then pick it all back up when you're done. I did.

I came home smelling of cold, fresh air. The smell of "wind" permeated my clothing, my hair, even my skin. My mood had softened but not left entirely. I got cleaned up, had lunch & finished high school to college transportation.

I texted my sister, made plans & told her I love her. I saw my husband & kids. I was quiet, tried not to cry but told them I loved them as I hugged them, individually. My husband loves me. My kids love me. My sister loves me. I'm content with that strong core. It's enough to tell them: "As you wish..."