I am surprisingly calm considering where I will be in less than 24 hours. I will be more than a half marathon into a full marathon. I'm trying to figure out why I'm calmer than usual. I know it's because this training cycle has been so different than other times. My training has been consistent. I need a clear head to pull it all together into a good race, tomorrow. The weather & elevation are my biggest concerns, right now. 

Coach Eric helped me find speed that I didn't know I had. My fellow team mates believe I can do this. They have incredible abilities. If they think I can, there must be something to it. Hearing people call me a "beast" or ready to "kick @$$" remind me that I've proved myself this cycle. For the first time, I really am trusting my training. I've seen results I've never experienced & I've practiced mental toughness strategies. It has all been surreal. Training with Jim... training with a group... TALKING to people... learning what a slow start feels like & easing into a faster pace... restraining a faster pace then pushing when it hurt--> all new stuff for me. I met some really strong people, this time. I will be thinking of them as I run mile after mile. 

I will be holding a dialogue in my own head. I have coached people & believe anyone can become a runner. I doubted my own abilities & now I find myself coaching myself! When I doubt or think about the pain or obstacle, "Coach Me" slaps a strategy to get through it! It is the most bizarre thing to come out of this cycle. Sometimes I picture the information coming from Coach Eric. Sometimes I think of it coming from my fellow team mate, Bill. Sometimes Jim is speaking; but it's usually a third person "me" that barks me out of a panic. -I've run our business. I've guided kids through school & life decisions. I navigated through life threatening illness & insurance avalanches. I AM capable of talking myself through a race. I believe it, now. I have played it conservatively in previous races, this summer, and STILL out performed previous races. I plan to do the same here. Having confidence of a well executed, even though conservative, race makes me confident to "up" the performance, again, next time. 

I will run the mile I'm in. NOT holding to a pace relieves SO much pressure! I would be a bit more aggressive on a familiar flat Toledo course... but not knowing what the elevation will do to me, gives me a bit more permission to run "smart"- not run a "pace."

I'm doing this for my fellow Griswolds. I'm doing this for my MIT group. I'm doing this for my coaches and my family.:) THEY don't know how sentimentally sweet I am on all of them. Heaven forbid THAT awkward moment should arise that I bust out crying in front of them all, telling them 'how much I love them!!!' *WOWSAS* 

For now, we need to drive the few hours, get through the expo, get to our hotel, have dinner & work out the morning logistics. There is still PLENTY of time for old, panicky Sarah to show up. ;) I have a feeling that this race, despite the time on the clock, will be a break through race for me. I'm surprisingly excited. 

Reflection: this cycle of training has been heads and shoulders above anything I have ever done, prior. I feel like this is my first "real" time seriously training. I had gotten by on 2-3 runs a week before heading into a marathon. I wished I could do more, but with kids, working, being accident prone & running a house (not to mention a sick hubby, last year)-- it was all I could do.

The BIG changing factors: running MORE days a week- I thought I would hurt "more" but in reality, I felt better the more I ran. I was better conditioned  as the long runs got even longer farther into the training schedule.

Change 2: Running with Jim got me out the door, regularly. At a slower pace, I didn't get hurt. 👍🏼

Change 3: The marathon training group was my biggest, personal "obstacle." As a naturally inclined introvert, running with others was a cause for anxiety. I had been doing this long enough, however, that I wanted REAL changes. The thought of track work was a mystery, a lure & a reason for anxiety.

I couldn't have stumbled into a better group. I came to a Tuesday track night because it fit into my work schedule. I had NO clue "who" to pick. I had always hoped for a 4 (or sub 4) hour marathon so I went "lofty." I approached the 4:05 pace group. I met an out going mother-hen of a coach & a quiet, soft-spoken coach duo. They would be the EXACT thing I needed to keep me coming back! Coach Mary learned my name quickly which made being a wallflower impossible. Coach Eric was of few words but he lead the marathon group on many miles at various paces. Coach Mary appealed to my heart. Coach Eric appealed to my brain. 😁 Numbers, laps, paces-- it was what I needed to build my confidence! "Holy crap! We were doing WHAT pace?!" Eventually I believed it & I dropped many doubts. 👍🏼

There were some in the group that I spent many miles with. I was leery about spending time with people running. I'm not a talker. Too much talking about "life" tires me out, mentally. I usually let my mind drift & I listen to music. There is a "transcendental state" when a group is in sync, just running. There was one runner in my group that shocked me at first but became dear to my heart. He was an older runner & blunt about my "crazy pants." There were a few of us that "packed" on longer training runs but little Bill melted my cold, "don't-talk-to-anybody" heart. I was there to work, not socialize. I guess I learned I could do both.

This week is my race. It is not flat coursed Toledo. It will be hilly & the forecast has been calling for HEAT & now thunder storms. I will start slowly & do my best. I do not expect a 4:05 time but I am optimistic. I feel strong. Come what may, I'm playing it conservatively at the start & I hope I do my training justice.

Hills, heat & high water, lets do this.

Jim at mile one: Surprisingly, I feel really good! My legs feel good.

People around us chuckled. We had started toward the back. It would be Jim's race/ his pace & he did great! Each mile brought reflection of a person dear to our family. Mile one was for "us." Mile 2 was for Jillian. Mile 3 was for Hannah. Mile 4 was for my sister. Mile 5 was for Betsy, Jim's mom. Mile 6 was for Grandpa Tom. On & on: one for family members, Lucy, Toledo Roadrunners & mile 12 was for me. 💕 I only took 1/2 of it until mile 12 1/2. That was the farthest Jim had ever run while training so I said the last 1/2 mile was for both of us. "It starts & ends with us..."

We had people talking to us during the course. "Weren't you on the news?" We chatted. We said thank you to each spectator & volunteer. As we approached the stadium, we saw cheering friends & got many high-5's. I started crying but it was brief; because it's hard to run & cry. As we got to the entrance of the stadium, we saw Amanda, our head Glass City Marathon ambassador. I waved. She got a big smile, looks at Jim & says: "Get in there, you Bad A$$!" We busted out laughing & it gave us a charge into the stadium. I didn't hear my name. I expected Jim to surge to the finish & I thought I'd see him "from behind." Instead, he grabbed my hand. Yep- I started crying & kissed his hand. We crossed the finish line hand-in-hand then hugged & cried (more) at the finish. I put that medal around his neck & told him that I knew he could do it. We saw friends, talked more & saw my sister & our girls. They hugged us even though we were sweaty. We came home, got cleaned up & went to a late lunch. I was going to pay for my Spring babies: Anita, Jillian, Jim & Hannah. I love them all so much. Jim's brother was in town from Texas. He was going to surprise Jim & come to his race. We missed each other; but, he met us for lunch & there was an 'argument' as to who would pay between me, my sister & my brother-in-law. 😂

We jammed & sang Hamilton songs on the way home. It was quite a perfect day.

On the course, Jim told me: "Momma, I'm going to keep running." I believe him. Later he told me: "My next goal is 15 miles... & hill work." 😂

Today has been emotionally draining. I got up early & volunteered at the Glass City Marathon expo.

Jim's past year of recovery & training was picked up, locally, by the paper & tv news. They asked for a personal interview. The reporter asked questions & Jim answered most of them. We discussed the support that we received from the Toledo Roadrunners. -Not only was it hard reviewing & reliving a year and a half of emotions and sickness in a couple of minutes, we had an OUTPOURING of well wishes & supportive words. I had complete strangers approaching at the expo, wishing us well & giving me hugs. -I AM NOT A CRIER... but I am completely choked up.

I kept quiet & distant from everyone during all of this. Only after Jim was out of the woods did we share photos (all with his permission) & the extent of his illness. Seeing genuine kindness & concern in response to the details is moving.

I try to take myself out of an equation sometimes. Only then can you really see the true points of any situation. I feel that others are genuinely happy when a human being survives illness. They are happy for the person AND the family- kids & spouse. I know I would be happy that a family stayed in tact.

I appreciate everyone's kindness. Tomorrow will be emotional. It will be a happy ending to Jim's ordeal. Jim still has side effects from his sickness but compared to what we've been through-- it is manageable.

Thank you, Everyone, from our entire family. If I don't say anything in person, tomorrow, it's probably because I'm holding back an ugly cry. Please know we're in a good place, right now. 💕

I ran our last track night with the Marathon in Training group before Glass City Marathon, Sunday. It seems surreal. I didn't do anything "socially" with anyone outside of the scheduled workouts, twice a week... Some people were able to run together more often. I fit in two group runs, regularly. It was nice chit chatting a bit before & after our work outs.

I still have a hard time with the whole, "Hey, you don't know me. What's your name?" I CAN approach strangers if I am representing a cause... but I 'can't' be that way all of the time.

Tonight, I felt a sadness knowing I may not have the courage to approach these strong runners, again, individually. I'll try... because while I wasn't always in the "thick" of the conversations (I can't concentrate to hold a conversation during a run)... it was nice to be part of the "group" & listen.

Tonight, I was the only female in my pace group. There were many women in attendance, tonight; but my pace group was 5 (pretty large) guys & 4'11" me. I ran at the back... & listened. Such is the life of a wallflower. It's comfortable.

Two young boys at the park pretended they wanted to race us. I said, "Come on!" They sprinted along for awhile then putzed out. I admit I felt good about that! We ran past a young girl & her grandfather (?). I imagined someday she would remember me going past & recall 'the girl strong enough to run with the boys.' Maybe she would run, someday, too. My mind drifted from the conversation between the lead runners, dodging goose poop, looking at the water, contemplating the new work schedule, hiring a new employee, thinking of the Boston marathon & how I would need to train.  I also was looking for the next cone when we would stop our "sprint"!

Before I knew it, we were done. I quietly left. It felt like early dismissal from school as this is taper week for the majority of the group. No one noticed. I trotted back to my van- a mile away...

I want to join the Fall training group. The summer training group is hopeful but not likely as we have 4-H obligations that require me leading up some groups & projects. Add a graduating senior with graduation festivities, yard work with no hired help for it... & summer will fly by on its own. Training will be a lower ebb until the end of July.

Now home, I pick up my grown up responsibilities & plan. This week will go quickly. Jim's first 1/2! Canton quickly following. I'm kind of on a downer after watching Boston. I didn't even run it & have the post-race blues! I need to focus on what's ahead-- & there's a lot still coming.

Life is good, right now. Running just adds to it.

10 miler on the training schedule, today. I admit, I got butterflies looking at it. I have a lot of work on TH nights. Having a double digit run during the day, in addition to running kids back & forth between high school and college... capping it off with hours of work makes for a long day.

I popped a caffeine pill, put it in low gear & started a trot. I had a route in mind, music & a cool day. I started on the paved all purpose trail at Oak Openings & moved onto crushed gravel. Ahead of me, I saw Canada geese & chuckled as I saw them "running" the trail. Their swaying plump bodies did not look comfortable trying to stay ahead of me. I wondered if this is how others saw me at races, from behind- short, thick in the middle, ducky feet, swaying awkwardly & a slow pace... 😁

I reflected on how I would relate this experience on social media & WHY. -As a late bloomer, I feel strongly about "telling all." I was so convinced that I "couldn't"... that I didn't try. I know there are others like me. Moms raising kids- giving so much of themselves- they forget that they deserve respect, also- from others AND themselves.

I heard late bloomers often can't distinguish between discomfort & injury/pain. I admit this was the case with me. I had no knowledge of: gear, form, pace, fueling, race day strategy, positive talk, training... I want other women to know that it's ok to "not know" & learn as you go... or better yet... learn from other's mistakes (mine).

As I reflected on the geese ahead of me & my own biomechanics, I wanted to write about it. It addressed the "what if people laugh at me?" question as well as self-image. -I still don't "look like a runner." I'm finding that people still judge. While I don't like it, I do it, too. And when it boils down to its basic human elements, we'll keep doing it. Let people think what they want when they see my matriarchal hips & thick middle. I know how far I've come. I know my "waddle" was slower & always injured. I know a fast waddle comes before flight...

And- by the way- when I DO post my race times (you may notice I often don't post my training run times-- slow & steady), my intent is to show a person can blow their own expectations out of the water. My pace is NOT as fast as some... & it is WAY faster than others. Pace is relative to YOU. My intent is not bragging. My intent is to help women know not to "sell yourself short." I am STILL making advancements at 48 years old! I never thought I'd race... or race without vomiting... let alone come first in my age group... or miss Overall Female Masters by less than 40 seconds/mile. (Mind you, that's a lot faster than me... but not out of my grasp...) The change is a process physically; but, I'm finding it's a mental transformation as well.

This Momma Goose still has some feathers to ruffle... & I'll share the stories as I go.

I can (pretty confidently) say that most reading this post aren't elite runners. I want you to know it's ok. It's okay to "suck" at the beginning. We all do...

I promise: "it" can happen. Moms are a tenacious bunch. Women are an unyielding strength. Use a bit of that for yourself... & amaze yourself. 💕

Training runs: Jim & I have learned a rhythm. When I ran with people faster than me, I was very cognizant of them turning to "check on me." It caused anxiety. At Glass City, it will be Jim setting the pace. I will run next to him or slightly out of his peripheral so as not to cause anxiety. -He has never done this Distance & plans to run, not race it, like any other training run. (Little does he know about the charge a taper will bring as well as race day excitement...) -I DO suspect that it will not be the last 1/2 we do together, however. I've got a list & will wait to bring it up in a few weeks. 😁


Jim has put in more miles than HE ever thought he would- preparing for the Glass City. He did his first mile (again), this summer (?). It was roughly 14-ish minutes. Considering he was emaciated & bed ridden, then in a wheel chair & barely able to stand & walk... we were ecstatic when he did indeed "Trot" a full mile!!! I have had people ask what our estimated pace will be on race day. To this I reply: the distance is the goal, not the time. AND when he crosses that finish line, it will represent much more than any race I've ever done. It will be the end of his photo album ("Jim's Recovery Album 2") on Facebook & the beginning of a new photo album: "Jim's Races." We'll drop "recovery" from the title. 👍🏼

He's ready...