Sunday, August 30, 2015

I'm reading a recommended book to help me get a grip on nerves- on race day. I borrowed it from the library but eventually bought it from Amazon because I don't get a chance to sit & read much-- plus I wanted to underline/highlight/make notes as needed. Within the first few pages, it struck a chord. I've overcome a lot, solo, to start running. Most of these obstacles were mentally imposed by family, self & tradition. I felt guilty for so long... & always beat myself up. While... I've enjoyed running, part of me continues to feel guilty EVERY time I go out thinking I'm abandoning religious traditions & schedules. Life is hard enough without more guilt. Eventually I move into a "zen" & it all melts away. Add a race to the mix & I'm a nervous wreck. As I proceeded reading today, I realized I enjoy the process of trail running over the race of trail running. I enjoy seeing dragonflies, wildflowers, mushrooms, spiderwebs, reflections on the water, changing colored leaves & speckled shadows. As Woodstock approaches, I am sad I won't be doing my 50K. I'm coming back from injury & will stick with a shorter race. I am nervous about the race & yet part of me just really loves the route! I will only be doing the 1/2 marathon but for this flat lander, the route is a bit treacherous. I have never gotten hurt but I take my time to climb over fallen trees not jump them. I walk up "Mt. Everest" after mile 8-ish. I will TRY to remember to enjoy the journey-- because I do. I enjoy the PROCESS of training but have a love-hate with the clock. I'm grateful to be able to toe the line at all.

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