Such has been Jim's life, lately. Yesterday, we had another visit from the ambulance. Jim & I had the conversation that he had to assume responsibility of checking his sugar & taking his insulin. If anything happened to me, or I was at work, he NEEDS to check his own sugar. Of course, he agreed. All was good, until, yesterday. We had moved his long-lasting insulin to a morning injection rather than an evening injection. His blood sugar would drop dangerously low at night. A morning injection would allow us the opportunity to be awake & monitor how he felt & adjust his intake if he got low or high.
19 units of long-lasting insulin is the new norm. Down a unit from the prescribed 20 units. I have the prescription taped to Jim's side of the bed as reference. It details insulin name & doses. Jim grabbed the fast acting insulin & administered 18 units rather than the long-lasting. He called me into the bedroom to tell me what he had done-- by accident. He was alert & clear minded but I went into alert mode. I called the doctor's office- no night nurse. I had to call 911, again & they were quick to send out two ambulances. I JUST wanted medical direction. When the paramedics arrived, I explained & they asked if we wanted to go to the hospital to be monitored. We both thought it was unnecessary but still needed direction. Juice & some sugary items until the insulin wore off was their suggestion... but Jim also HAD to stay awake. His blood sugar dropped that morning from 238 to 40. We monitored and had him sipping juices regularly. It was tiring for both of us. In permanent marker, we wrote right on the insulin pen "LONG LASTING 19 UNITS" & "SHORT ACTING 4-5 UNITS"-- so hopefully no more accidents!
I took the girls to school-- late. I had called so the office was aware of the situation. I was frustrated & worried. Jim apologized- a few times; but, I CAN'T get mad at him. He is the one enduring the hunger, the vomiting, the pokes & prodding, the highs & lows. I keep providing water & food as he can stomach it; but, ultimately, HE is the one carrying the physical discomfort. I carry a different emotional burden.
As if the above change in our family isn't enough, I received notice that an account that we have had for EIGHT YEARS no longer wanted our services. No reason given- no complaints... just two weeks notice then "remove your supplies & turn in your keys." I was blind-sighted & worried. How would I swing a reduced budget to now pay for these extra medical bills? I would finish the two weeks, irreprehensibly & professionally. Our company would not be accused of not following through with our obligations.
As my last day approached, I was sick. As I drove onto the premises, though, I (surprisingly) felt something different--> RELIEF! This account always felt like we were walking on egg shells. The previous two companies before us lasted a month, each. We had lasted eight years. I would leave the account feeling dirty & smelling like diesel fuel. As I packed up some of our supplies I felt giddy knowing I would never have to come back here, again. (Employees still had two more sessions, though; so I left some supplies.) I drove home & prayed. I felt uncomfortable because I knew I was not living as I had a few years ago. While I am not on any course of debauchery, I am not living the life of a volunteer minister, anymore. My previous associates have limited their association with me & I with them. Life is hard enough without me feeling guilty for not sacrificing more than I am as a mother, wife & business organizer, already. I love my family, but I refuse to be made to feel like a bad mom for not instilling cultural or religious limits on our daughters.
I do NOT mean I do not speak to our daughters about religion or God. I have heard many call us ridiculous for believing there is a God. Why do I believe? I believe in design. I believe if there is no plan- there is no accomplishment. There are too many "coincidences" for all of this to be an "accident". There is design, everywhere- repeated patterns; repeated minerals in plants, animals & humans; repetition everywhere. There are mathematical FORMULAS that play into human existence. As a person who PLANS & DESIGNS things for our 4-H group, our family, our business--> there NEEDS to be intelligence, thought & planning for anything to get done. --THIS is what I put my faith in... If there is a "final product" then there was a designer, an engineer & a fabricator.
I prayed at long length, detailing my trepidation to "ask". Yet, as a parent, I understand being merciful to your children. Our girls are good kids. Their youth or humanity sometimes limits their abilities; but I love their individuality, their independence & am not threatened at their inquisitiveness. Mercy- undeserved kindness- is what I asked for... I prayed for strength for myself as I tried to take care & protect my husband, girls & employees.
THE NEXT DAY, I received a call out of the clear blue sky asking for me to bid on a new, clean doctor's office. Guess how much it will pay? The same amount as the lost account. I bid. They countered. I rebid with new revisions. It was accepted. We start Monday- the first day "off" from our old job. :)
You can call me foolish for thinking this is more than a coincidence; but, I trust that my Parent still cares. I am hopeful that I will help our girls be strong, decisive yet humble as they get older. I pray that Jim will make a full recovery & that we never take for granted a healthy, preventative life-style. I pray that at some point I can make peace with individuals & family from my past. Until then, I have a lot of work to do. I will "let it all go" with a spiritual run in the woods, tomorrow.
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