Something happened this weekend- a realization... an epiphany... a let down of my guard... a need met- call it what you want. I've trained & logged many miles, solo. During those years, I've exceeded my goals... I've fallen short of my goals. I've pushed myself to go out & injured myself, then shown myself mercy & gave myself time off.

I tried training with some other people in the past; but the pace was wrong or the personalities were uncomfortable; so I gave up on running with people. Lucy, my dog, could do some miles with me. Hubby would even log some miles with me; but, their pace or distance wasn't a "match". So I kept at it solo. It wasn't terrible but I got lonely, sometimes.

Recently, I considered a Spring marathon. I've only done 1/2 marathons in the Spring- usually because I'd get hurt over the winter. I saw a fellow runner posting about multiple marathons. The few times I saw her at races, we had similar times & her disposition was ALWAYS kind. I wasn't expecting "anything" but I told her my Spring contemplations. I offered to run together "sometime". I had no real intentions of her calling me out on it because she lives an hour away! She planned a visit & I planned a route on our local trails. Bonnie told me she would bring a friend. I thought: "Great! What if I don't like her? I'm just getting up the nerve to run with one person... Now I have to run with TWO?!" -In my defense, I was going by experience. I was asked by one mom to run & 2 other moms also came. All moms- a good match, right? -I left in tears.

 

Would this new plan end up being the same? "Probably!" I showed up, anyways. Sandy was chatty & a laugher when I met her. I am a nervous talker; but, I just kept quiet. I lead the group & had mixed feelings. They logged the distance on the trails but I had to stop or walk at times for them to catch up. Not really a big deal. I considered it my "good deed": a good work-out for them. I reflected that they were strong enough to finish the mileage- good for them! They were strong, just not used to trails.

 

As we met at races, I had the mentality that I've heard & been shown: "Every man for himself on race day." I didn't promise to run with anyone because I didn't know what I'd be able to do, myself. I offered a slow pace & Sandy said she "couldn't". It would be too slow. I ended up way faster than I expected-- & there was Sandy, right behind me, the whole time. Again, I thought: "She'll fall behind or pass me." She stayed pretty close, I cheered her on but didn't slow down for her. I was trying to hold myself together. At the finish line, she went to the curb, gasping. She thanked me for pacing her. (Silently: "What?") Later that same day, we had a similar 5K. I didn't think I'd have much in the tank; but, I ran a pretty fast 5K. Not far behind me was Sandy, again-- gasping-- thanking me for motivating her.

 

This weekend, I wasn't expecting much. I knew it was a "funk week" for me & I told the ladies that... They still wanted to come over for a 20 miler. I started too fast & was ahead of them; I slowed down. The other two were behind me & while I felt a twinge of guilt, I led the group. It was a straight "out & back" route. Sandy had some knee issues, we slowed & waited while she adjusted her knee support. I wasn't upset but she apologized. I fell into a pace next to her & waved her "on". She told me she didn't want to lead. I told her it was ok. (Her pace would be our pace.) We silently ran alongside each other. We weren't competing, we were running together... & for the FIRST TIME EVER, it "clicked". This is why people run together. We said a few words of encouragement to each other but mostly "were just together." THEN, I felt it- my Achilles. It had been tight for a few days & I questioned the logic of logging high mileage. It was a small nag more than a pain... until mile 16-ish. I didn't break pace; but, for the first time running, I was allowing someone to motivate me to keep going. It wasn't Marine Corps yelling. It wasn't demeaning. It was female-support. Had I been alone, I would have walked back. But I wasn't alone. I needed the encouragement & they were there. I felt emotional... grateful. I would run 20 miles with company-- not walk. When Sandy's phone told us we hit mile 20, they cheered. I was confused. How did that seem so much easier-- even during FUNK week?

 

For the first time I found myself planning on running with someone during a race. They may need me-- & I might need them. SOOOOO STRRRRAAAAAAANGE-- but such a relief-- the thought of being in a crowd, at a race, but being ALONE, is not new for me. The "My pace- My race" motto has worked for me this long...

 

Wearing my heart on my sleeve while training/racing, helping & being helped is new to me. A week prior, I was scared to do the same route, solo. I wasn't scared going with these ladies. I feel a sense of awkwardness and relief but, it feels good... & I'm running with it.

 Sandy, myself & Bonnie on our last 20 miler before the Glass City Marathon