I finally "pegged" myself as a competitor. I still have issues calling myself a "runner" because speed is elusive. No matter how much you improve... there will usually be someone faster or an "ideal" of speed in your own mind. Once I reach a new PR, all I personally think about is how I can BEAT that time, next time. I tell people I "try to run"... but I rarely call myself a runner. Jim called me competitive, recently. I balked; I said "no"... I remember another mom calling me competitive & I got upset. I felt she was calling me "unrestrained, uncontrolled, illogical." --But... upon further reflection, "competitor" feels "right". I'm not necessarily competing against a person... but sometimes... I am! I don't "mean" to... Other runners are motivation to kick it into a higher gear.

-I TRY to relax. -I also TRY to do my best. I'm NEVER relaxed until after the first few miles... & the final time is usually never my best. It may be the "best" I have in that moment, on "that" day... but in hindsight, I know I always could have given a bit more.

Tomorrow is a 5K. I have not run, all week. I tried running on Monday. I was tired, sore & more tired... This week, I slept (a LOT), rested my injuries & did yoga on this FRIGID week of January with days of cancelled school & opportunities for extra zzzz's...

I finished my work, today & I opted to run, tomorrow, close to home... but, my heart wants to race tomorrow's race. "I should just run 'long', close to home...", my logic tells me. "I haven't run all week, how can I RACE?! What if I fall on my face?" -That WOULD be embarrassing...

I used to hate 5K's. I didn't have speed. I'm GETTING speed... & I feel exhausted & happy when I sprint for 3 miles. *if possible*

I'm going to wear the title of "competitor", mentally, before my next race. As a test... I wonder how it will affect my nerves. Will it focus my anxiety into a purpose or just put more pressure on me & cause me to implode shortly after mile one? An experiment on head games...