I had a great swim lesson, today! It was the first lesson "back" after a few weeks. -I finally have enough upper body mobility to swim. I fell trail running about three weeks ago. I bruised ribs & hurt cartilage & soft tissue when my phone jammed into my rib cage. Life was limited for a few weeks; but, I'm coming back to my old schedule.

I get embarrassed that I'm an old lady learning to swim. I DO share this information, though; because I find relief in not keeping it a "secret" that I suck at swimming. -The life guards, where I take lessons, are young enough to be my children! It's hard to swallow your pride & be vulnerable. My teacher, however, is older than me. She is kind, respectful & supportive. She doesn't expect me to just "know it". I know I'm over analyzing "everything" but I'm being asked to remember many new body alignments- back, knees, ankles, hips, wrists, arms, shoulders, etc-- all at ONCE! :( Today, however, as I figured out my "cupped hands" & KEPT them cupped... my FEET followed!!! It was the strongest I've felt in the water, EVER! -The only thing I can equate it to is running & pumping your arms-- your feet follow your arm speed. I had been frantically kicking to keep from sinking. As I figured my hand & arm entry, I slowed my kick. My arms were HELPING, now! It was an INCREDIBLE feeling pulling myself through the water! --I SOOOO want to get back into the pool, tomorrow. I may head to the water to get more time. Swimming is the missing link in my triathlete endeavors. I don't expect to be a great swimmer, biker or runner... but the challenge to learn is more of a draw than anything. I was never allowed to participate in sports growing up-- so I have a STEEP learning curve. Learning new things related to what I'm participating in, now, is pretty empowering. If you can get past the thought of being embarrassed, the feeling of breaking past your own self-imposed limitations is extremely liberating! 

It makes me want to start cello lessons, again! I LOVE my cello!!! I want to go to the gun range & shoot my pistol & rifle. I LOVE shooting! I want to do a stained glass project!!! I LOVE glass! -BUT triathlon, first-- what a "smack" to where I came from. Not trying to be disrespectful... but a definite defiance of my "can't you just sit quietly & do what you're told" background. 

My MIND struggles with "you don't NEED this"... to "what's wrong with learning this?" I fight guilt- but when I meet a training goal, or learn a new skill, I am STOKED!!! I fight guilt, again, the next day... but I keep DOING IT! :) I'm JUST as worth the time investment as providing "the opportunity" for our daughters. I deserve a chance, too. I know this... but I don't feel I deserve it. The battle is real. Training is a lesson in self respect for me. So... I fight nature... & then I nurture... Tomorrow, I swim... or run... or bike... or pull out my cello... or get the new pattern started for a new stained glass idea... or head to the gun range...