This morning, as I woke up to get ready for a race, I thought: "What am I doing? I'm tired; it's dark; I want to climb back into bed; I'm not ready for this race..." THEN... I thought how I would REGRET not racing... how I would miss the thrill of crossing the start line & the finish line... how my first race "back" might as well be this one. I thought of how silly I would feel wearing a Wonder Woman outfit... I'm no Wonder Woman. Then I thought of how GREAT I'd feel wearing that Wonder Woman outfit-- how far I've come... I knew I would probably not feel confident or strong "during" the race; but I reassured myself that any race since Jim has been home was inevitable-- it might as well be THIS race. Such is the constant battle that goes through my head before every race & training run-- the struggle between feeling selfish, being responsible, taking care of myself & wondering "why?" I don't know if I will EVER be a confident runner but toeing the start line quiets some of the talk in my head. It puts me in an uncomfortable situation that makes it less uncomfortable "next time". Racing helps me see what I could potentially do differently, better or compare where I've been. Crunching numbers: pace, weather temps, weight, breakfast, etc & planning my next starting line...