4 painfully slow trail miles with Lucy. She loves to be out but it's too warm for her to keep up... Her runs are limited to under 5, in the shade, on cooler days.

My feet are still tender from Saturday's long run. While it's "coming back", it still hurts. This is probably the best I've felt, any year training. I am doubtful and hopeful of this year's races.  It is a strange thing when you've been fighting a broken state for so long... and suddenly someone fixes what is wrong. I want to be optimistic but now I question what my potential is. This is new territory to me.

My body was on the trail but my mind is on my list of tasks. Being responsible to guide a young person's entire future is a weight! I question if I'm the right person to help our girls; yet, I know no one loves and cares for them more. I have their best interests at heart and I do my best to help my husband and girls. I still want to curl up at times but that doesn't help anything.

I contemplate Jillian's college schedule as I think of her personality, her disposition, the college success coach's words, the high school counselor's concerns... Why can't this just be easy...?

I contemplate tomorrow's run and the increase in miles, this week. I will switch to miles on the Yellow Trail. I'm ready.

Jim tells me I "don't like people." It's not that I don't like them, I have a hard time TRUSTING.

I've seen marriages fail-- not because they didn't claim to "love" the other person... but because they didn't love the other person MORE than themselves.

I don't trust imperfection. I worry that another person may love their own desires over the needs of their neighbor- specifically, my children. I don't trust that any person entrusted to watch my children has pure motive of their well being, all of the time. They couldn't... they're imperfect. Our children have also inherited this imperfection. It is my responsibility as a parent to protect, prepare & raise a responsible person. Usually raising a responsible person requires attention and praise. At other times this requires admonition & discipline. Always tempered with empathy and respect...

As I read about gun control, I think of this fundamental issue. I see people so bent on their own desires and "rights" they can be down right demeaning or bull-headed. -Controlling guns is not the basic issue. I see genocides being performed in Africa with machetes. Does one rally for machete control? In the Bible, Cain killed his brother by bludgeoning him with a rock or stick. Does one rally to ban rocks? -Where there is an evil desire, someone will plan with what is available to them.

While I do not advocate "for" the 2nd amendment & the NRA, I have benefitted from their existence. I do have guns readily available and my family knows how to shoot. We do not use them as "weapons" (against others) because we have been morally taught to respect life. On the flip side, would I use my pistol against another person in a life or death situation? I hope never to find out...

In an ideal world, I would trust my children's pure motives & others' motives, as well... but we don't live in an idealistic world.

I do not believe the glass is half full or half empty. I believe YOU fill your own glass with your own works... Some allow their "glass" to become empty and complain. Others demand or cry that they want others to make their glass "fuller". Some have more than they could ever fill their glass with and still desire "your" glass.

I dream of a fair world where others freely share and I don't have to worry of an ulterior motive other than what is stated. I am blunt when I meet people. I am not "rude" but (if I speak) I plainly lay out my intentions. Some call this wearing my heart on my sleeve. I call myself a guarded heart. If I speak, I will be direct. I speak plainly to my children and my husband. I speak "plainly" when I say 'I wish I could trust.'

Much would have to change on the world scene before I could relax... and lower my guard...

 

I was very proud of Jim, today. 1st of all I appreciated him being out there with me. I usually don't mind the first few miles... but as the miles go on, it's nice to have company.

The bike trails were busy with bikers, walkers, runners, skaters & a momma turkey with her 7 babies. (No photo) :( Jim stayed close until I ran out of gas toward mile 13. He got off his bike & ran with me, pushing his bike. Our pace was slow as I took walking breaks, then jogged... but it was good for both of us. I told him he was doing a "brick" work out. Triathletes train by biking then running in one work out session. I sensed a smile. 

16 miler in the books. Hills this week then 18, next week. Today wasn't pretty but I feel it all coming back.

The new Newtons are wonderful! NO BLISTERS, hotspots, sore feet-- at ALL! I would have to tape my feet incessantly in my Brooks, Asics or Saucony on any run 6 miles or more. Newtons have my feet baby soft with no blisters even after a 16 miler! YAY!

Still trying nutrition options but Tailwind & now, Honey Stinger waffles seem to work well for me. A bit "drier" than choking down a gel but no gagging gels, either. They sat in my gut well. --It's a learn as you go, thing.

I knew what my plans were this morning & my old "I CAN'T" mentality was powerful. "It's only 6. I did 14 a few days ago... But these are hills- lots of hills... I want to curl up & stay home. It will be good practice for Cleveland. It's a lot less than 16, later, this week! I 'can't..."
I got myself ready & headed out. The 1st three miles were pretty awful. I was foggy, clumsy, nothing felt natural or easy. I had taken 3 puffs of inhaler & was still having trouble breathing.... I just couldn't sync up. I thought about stopping after mile 3 but knew I'd kick myself, when home for not sticking with it. --Then something wonderful happened. I woke up. Even though I was warm because of the weather, my muscles warmed up. I thought of my upcoming races & played them through my mind. I planned my nutrition & decided which hydration vest I am finally getting. Before I knew it, the horrible hills were done. I know they will make me a stronger runner. I walked as I needed to but ran as much as I could. I felt accomplished & stopped at our local bike shop on the way home. Julie is the owner & was working, today. She is also an Ironman. She qualified & participated in Kona. We talked nutrition & I bought some single flavors of a lot of different items-- just to try different things. I've heard good things about Honey Stinger waffles-- wow! Yummy!!! Definitely packing these on my ultras! Lots more flavors & goodies to try.

What started as a mentally weak run finished with a feeling of accomplishment. I "rewarded" myself with a compliment, some nutrition samples & a new pair of sunglasses!

16 mile run, yet, this week. I'll do a lot less hills, then.

 

Jillian absolutely wanted to take one class at high school- marine biology (an elective). Other than that ALL of her other classes will be at UT, next year.

Each class she takes saves us about $1500-$2000 a CLASS. Why take a math class her junior year of high school then AGAIN in college & pay for it? It only makes sense to take those introductory classes, now. -Hannah's interest is perked because Jillian will be taking her art classes at the Toledo Museum of Art. Hannah flipped & said, "I WANT TO DO THAT!" (I want her to do that, too!)

It was the plan since we found out about it in elementary school: college classes her junior & senior year. Anthony Wayne has a program that if Jillian gets on the honor roll throughout high school, her freshman year's tuition at UT is waived! --While this has been the financial plan, I was SHOCKED that it came to fruition, today. We have more planning, like her placement testing for math & a driver's license... *gulp*

--Things are moving ahead. --We officially have a Rocket!

PURE AWESOMENESS!!!

Western States Endurance Run- 100 mile trail run- oldest finisher, Gunhild Swanson at age 70! Watch her sneak in under the cut off time of 30 hours.

Western States Endurance Run -oldest finisher- GUNHILD SWANSON

3 miles on the training schedule. I started with a novice schedule to accommodate my foot healing, but am now incorporating the long runs of an ultra training schedule. So far so good; but three seems insulting, anymore. I decided to make it three miles of hill repeats. --Ummm yeah... I remembered my first hill session all to well. Hill repeats are the only "speed work" I mindlessly know how to do. It's a love-hate thing...