On this day, 2 years ago, Jim was fighting what we thought was the flu. He refused to go to the doctor. I dragged him to an urgent care office, after I dropped the girls off at school. I thought it would be a visit, a prescription & home to bed. He had a seizure in the parking lot & never even made it into the building. He was taken to the hospital & induced into a coma. Eventually he was life flighted to Cleveland Clinic. As I reflect on where we were & what we went through for the next year and a half, I realized it wasn't just his survival story. It unfolded into a love story- between two people & within our family. I pride myself at being analytical. I almost choked the first time Jim uttered "that word." I refrained from getting too emotional for years. As Jim woke up then went through a year of rehab, this "guarded heart" became a "bleeding heart." 

Yesterday, as I reflected on this, I couldn't control my emotions. I was supposed to run with my running group. I started with them & was able to run 11 miles. I once had a strong ability to "shut it off," emotionally. I couldn't. I left my group & sobbed for hours. I "ugly cried" on the trail as I walked back to my van. I cried in my van. I cried on the way home and as soon as I saw Jim, I gave him a sweaty-gross bear hug & sobbed more. I cried in the shower & decided I should just try to take a nap & "stop" so I wouldn't freak my family out. "Is this menopause? What is WRONG with me?!" I haven't cried that long in a LONG time. I've cried more since his recovery than when he was sick... or more than I can EVER remember crying, really. -I know people that are sick have it bad. Jim was so physically fragile that the girls & I worked & went into protective overdrive. What is often over looked are care givers. This experience was awful for myself & the girls as well. I was physically drained & trying to be emotionally "off" so I wouldn't collapse. I had to focus on juggling work, the girls, care giving responsibilities & home life.  They were juggling school, their own fears & taking care of their father. Three lionesses protecting the lion king until he could get up on his own. He did.

 

Today is the two year anniversary of Jim's admittance to the hospital. It has been a life altering event. He is a survivor. I understand, now, why cancer survivors wear that badge so honorably. It takes a true warrior to fight with every ounce of breath & strength when it hurts & you're so tired.

I see families separating & it makes me terribly sad. Ours is stronger now than it has ever been & I am grateful.

I was able to sit & sign up for some races, last night. This is something I said I'd never do: pay to run, when any person can do it for free. I used to get SO anxious, that I'd be in the bathroom for hours before a race with anxiety & an upset stomach. I needed to prove to myself & others that I could do it, though. It has gotten a bit easier. I still get nervous; but, it's a head game, now. If I tell myself I'm just going to "trot," & not have a time goal, I do much better. If I race, the wheels usually come off. This is ultimately a life lesson, too. Anxiety doesn't make the present pleasant or usually affect the outcome, positively. I have never died or gotten lost at a race; so, I realize, now, that may have been a bit of extreme worrying. 😂 I swore I'd never wear a costume for a race--> people would look at me (!!!) & not consider me a "real" runner. Guess what: who cares?! My abilities are "what they are" in a costume or not. There will be people faster than me & slower than me. A silly outfit sometimes makes a plain event a "party." 😁 I'm not sure if I'm getting "seasoned" or just old & don't give a care...

I truly believe Jim getting so sick & surviving has impacted all of us to realize: "Every day is a gift. Enjoy it. Wear the tutu. Dance. Hug. Sing. Say, 'I love you.' Eat a cookie."

There were races I passed up- begrudgingly. I had to realize (as my husband reminded me) that my "fun" can wear me (& my family) out. The 5K's that I did sign up for, I have to remember they aren't "my race." Komen for the Cure is right before Chicago. I need to not get hurt doing little races that could affect my goal race that I've been training months for... I need to balance "the head game" & stay focused.

For now, I prepare for the miles, I have, today. My group has speed work, tonight. I have to train an employee. So--> I should get up & get miles done, now... then life will be good. 💕🌼🦋🦄🌸🌈🌝🍭🏆🎀🎉💕

The Boy Scout's 1/2 Marathon was today in Bowling Green, Ohio. The "plan" was to trot, take it easy during the race & do extra miles after the race. I thought I had 18 miles on the schedule. It turns out I had 19! I planned to do an easy peasy 10 min pace for all 19. I wanted today to truly be only a training run-- not a race. That was the PLAN; because, I usually go out too fast at the start of a race & suffer miserably at the end. My "mantra," as I practice for Chicago, is: "Save it. Save it." I could only "save it" at a 10 min pace, for the first few miles. I dropped progressively each mile then hung out at a 9 1/2 min pace. My last mile was a sub 9, finishing at an 8:01 min pace. 

I had plenty in the tank to finish more miles, afterwards. So my goal during training really IS to hold back at the beginning. It is difficult because everyone takes off & you get swept up in the idea of "RACE!!!" It's also strategy. Today was 19 miles but a marathon is 26.2. I truly need to be conservative at the beginning if I want to have a strong finish. 

Considering I had a chiropractor appointment, yesterday, in which he said my hip slipped & I was more than a half inch off leg lengths-- WHICH-- he then proceeded to POP THAT PUPPY back into place... I honestly didn't know what I'd be able to do, today. My entire body was aching this week. My knee was in true, stabbing pain. My left calf was a giant knot all week & was threatening to rip my Achilles. After the alignment, the knee & Achilles were still tender but they held up fine, today. Another long run is done for another week. My finish time was 2:06. I am mixed about this time. Had I considered racing, as one friend kept pushing me to do, I could have had a better time. Had I raced, I may not have had gas in the tank for my extra miles. I feel I needed the knowledge that I had a strong finish & "more at the end" with a 10 min start pace, MORE than a fast race time. I have a pacing strategy for Chicago.

I am working at a different race, tomorrow. The Fulton County fair has started. I am covering hours for employees taking vacation days...add construction at our house for sheer (temporary) chaos and you have the makings for a very busy weekend. I am waiting for the dust to settle... but I must admit, Life is good, right now. 

I've been following the Spring marathon in training plan rather than the Fall. My race day is different than the group so I started training earlier, before I knew the Fall plan.

I had a 7-8 mile run, yesterday, with some miles at marathon pace. I didn't want to... I was achy, tired & had to work, later. I reminded myself I don't "have to. I GET to." I know many people wish they could do a 7 miler & I am grateful that my body is able to.

I was cold & still doubting for my slow, tight, first mile--> 10:45- yikes! As each mile went by I warmed up & got a bit faster until I finished mile 8 (plus change) at 8:40. I wasn't "trying." I insisted I was just going to do the miles, not any set pace except "easy pace." Some days "easy" is surprisingly good! Some days "easy" is torture.

So I sit, along the road contemplating a shortie 4 miler. I almost skipped this work out for sleep. Instead, I'll "reward myself" with "candy." 4 on the Yellow trail should be a good break from road miles. 17 miler, tomorrow, with my group. They have less but I'm hoping to snag some company for the extra miles.  👍🏼

Jim & I did our 1/2 marathon last weekend at HIS pace. As we got home he reviewed his statistics, his rank in his age group & overall placement. He was slightly discouraged. Numbers don't tell the whole story!!! One year ago, YESTERDAY, Jim ran one mile! Let that sink in... He finally had enough balance to run ONE MILE then ran 13.1 by April! THEN-- ran a second half marathon exactly one year from the time he ran ONE mile! 

We started at the back of the pack, at Cleveland, & did HIS race. As I stated earlier, by mile 10 he was passing everyone that had 'given up' running & was walking. As we passed people, my mind (not my mouth) said, "You weren't sick like my husband was. You don't have the excuse HE had... He's doing it. He's passing." 

No doubt: Jim will get faster. We all have the ability to improve & get faster--> the cliche saying: "Don't look how far you have to go. Look at how far you've come" is EXTREMELY truthful. 

What a difference a year makes!

This is my post from one year ago the day he did "ONE."

http://girlitsabouttime.blogspot.com/2016/08/he-did-it-his-first-mile-running-since.html

I've been a Facebook Nerd & a blogging lazy turd, this year. Jillian graduated from high school, this past June; &, we had a small party, here. We had been painting, ripping up carpet, getting a new floor & getting the yard under control. Then we had a trip to Nebraska SMACK DAB during the same time with the 4-H group.

Hannah starts her junior year of high school, this week & college credit plus classes, next week. Jillian starts college full time, next week. We (I) decided to finish the home facelift & do the girls' rooms, too. We have been purging, boxing items we intend to keep & moving stuff into the garage to get get ready for paint & new carpeting in their rooms. Plastering, sanding & ripping up old carpeting comes before all of the glory work, though. Add 4-H obligations, teaching two teens to drive, running group obligations and training a couple of new employees... & my head is spinning!

I LOVE doing it, though. Jim is excited about the new wood floors. The girls are excited that we let them make their rooms uniquely "theirs" and I'm happy to be dropping 4-H obligations & picking up different ones. 4-H has been a great experience but the girls have moved on to other interests. Jim & I are running races together & doing more together as a couple instead of "exclusively as parents." I LOVE it! The family dynamics are changing.

This past weekend Jim & I ran Cleveland's rock & Roll Hall of Fame 1/2 Marathon. It was his second, ever, half marathon-- AND-- both 1/2's were within four months of each other! We ran together & while the pace was slower than my usual pace, to experience it with Jim & talk about it with him afterwards was a JOY! If I raced, I'd be waiting for him (probably impatient, irritated or worried) at the finish line. Running slower, with him, I was able to hand him our hydration every two miles and monitor his progress, his breathing, the heat... Running with him meant we had something to talk about, together, when it was all over. Instead of me asking if he saw "XXXXX", I could point at it during the race & smile. If it was live music, we were able to talk about the exact moment we both saw it instead of our different experiences, afterwards. I could see his flush face & see happy tears at the finish as I put the medal around his neck! A strong hug at the finish then smiling, sweaty selfies are stories we will keep sharing. After years of being (truly) sad (& lonely) that I was doing this solo, I have an up & coming partner! To me, reminding myself to stay as a duo is a running "investment." I have no doubt he will surpass my own accomplishments, eventually. If he does, I'm reminding him to stay with ME! ;)

Our last 4-H obligation is coming up: the fair & fair booth. This is a BIG deal! The kids work all year in preparation for the fair. It is THEIR "race day." I have designed the booth & hope, again, to come away with an award for the kids. :) After the fair, it's back to focusing on training for Chicago in October. I'm hoping to add one last "destination" trail race at Mackinac Island at the end of October. That should take us into a short rest before promoting & training for the Glass City Marathon. Jim wants to do his first Full marathon, then. We'll attempt the training & see how he fares. He will probably do great... or decide to wait a bit longer before tackling the distance. Either way, I'm learning to enjoy the "journey" with company.

Life goes on & I stay busy. Work, running & volunteering at a race consumed my weekend. I wanted to do a duathlon, this weekend. It was the last one of our local series & the personal pressure was on to take this goal off the back burner.

My plans & schedule always revolve around work & family so I waited to commit to this race. I needed to see how work would affect my plans. As the week progressed, I was hopeful & finally just took my bike into the shop. The whole 'bike seat thing' wore me out. My bike was placed on a trainer (kind of like a spin class). Adjustments to my current seat were made- seat height, angle, position forward or back, etc. The more adjustments we made, the more I pedaled on that trainer. After a few seats & numerous adjustments my quads were SORE! It was a fantastic feeling- like my old weight lifting days. I was hungry for more but too sore to get back on for a long ride during the week. (Regular marathon training & work still preoccupied my week.) I opted to help/volunteer today & watch. I looked at bikes, seats, shoes, how to rack a bike, extra equipment in the transition area (dish pans & buckets to rinse sandy feet from the beach, to a bath mat to stand on while getting socks & shoes on). I was a sponge soaking in what could work for me & what presently "wouldn't" work.

I was greatly comforted when I heard numerous adults telling me they couldn't swim, either! I have been shy but honest about my weak link. As I contemplate the swim I have to figure out how I can pull it off. I wear contacts & have never had issues with leaking goggles. I've heard of losing goggles in a race if a fellow athlete kicks you or hits you with their arm mid stroke. How would I handle that? Extra contacts in transition, for sure-- but I'm super blind without glasses or contacts... I'll work on a solution for that & focus on the bike & run for now.

Priorities: get a bike seat, riding that bike & getting comfortable on it (seat; gear shifting; aero position; new, hands free water bottle) tri suit (that doesn't clash with my bike), etc. 😋

I figured today would scare the crap out of me or inspire me. I'm looking at tri suits. 😁

I talked to Mr. Tom Falvey, today. He is 81. He was a participant; &, as you may have guessed, won his age group. I'm pretty sure he was the only participant in that age group. Inspired? Yes! Does his finish time even matter?! No. I helped tattoo him. He thanked me & said he'd give me his award if he won. I won't hold him to it. 😁

A picture is worth a thousand words & as I saw photos from the last race, I saw 'normal' people participating. Not trying to be disrespectful: as I saw women of all ages & sizes, with different equipment, all I could think was, "If they can do it, I can do it!" So-- I'm making it public. I've 'shared all' hoping new runners & non runners see the process & realize average people & people from non athletic backgrounds can start from an extreme deficit yet still have success. This biking stuff is going to make for some interesting tales. 😂

To be continued 🤙🏼